The Texture of Time

Picture from inspirationfeed.com

Time is a weird construction. It can stretch like a rubber band, drip on you in jelly green drops and make you feel like you are running, but not getting forward. Or it can suddenly speed ahead, make you forget space and swoosh by like cars in the dark. My time rubber band has been stretched and released quite a bit during the past weeks. When I am with the right people it flows with me like golden light, other times I wait for it to pass and when commuting through Berlin it makes me dive into myself. Looking back, it feels like the past weeks just took a finger click. It was exciting, I laughed a lot, I felt a lot, I even learned a lot and suddenly I am in this bubble of loneliness where there is a sensation from head to toe and I am thrown back at myself again. I feel a bit powerless, confused and also kind of sad. But not that sadness of world pain and destruction. It’s more of a melancholic pain of how fast things can change. Life has taken up speed again, and I am not quite sure if I can follow.

First things first: friendship. If you are really honest, how often is it that you meet a like minded person you can just be yourself with, fool around, cry and tell your honest opinion about everything. With how many people that you meet do you really connect on a deeper level? Especially in rushed phases of my life, I met a lot of interesting people but only a few stuck with me for longer. I feel a deep connection to some people that live quite far away. That gave me a lot of strength during more lonely days in Berlin. Knowing that I have those friends, whom I might not have been with for two years and still meet and feel like no time has passed, makes me so entirely grateful.

Take my friend Letzu, for example. This women is like a sister to me, together we become something new and crazy and I enjoy every moment with her. When I met her again in October, we had the craziest dream night out, with secrets and beer and the whole program. I feel so close to her and even though she is one of my best friends in the world, I forgot her birthday. It was November second and I simply forgot. It didn’t even cross my mind. But does that make me a bad friend? I hope not. Because, Letzu, you are like a sister and since I forgot your birthday once, I will never forget it again, as embarrassment will engrave the date on my brain. See, time took me by the hand and hopped with me through the days and there was no yesterday or tomorrow, there was just life running by. I knew I had forgotten, because you told me. I AM SO SUPER DUPER REALLY SUPER SORRY. And I miss you right now, because I want to tell you abound my friend Time and what she did with me. She is not as crazy as you, you bet. She also does not wear as funny hats. And she has no clue how to secretly smoke at the window. But I want to tell you that life is good and that I think of you every day. I miss you!

So yea, maybe this bubble is good and maybe it is OK that I am a bit confronted with myself and the people who really matter. And one lesson I have leant is: don’t let the speed of time dominate your existence. I am responsible for my own happiness, so Time, please go to the corner, I have some catching up to do.