Tales of the German Viking

The Texture of Time

2011-11-12T15:07:00.000-08:00

Picture from inspirationfeed.com

Time is a weird construction. It can stretch like a rubber band, drip on you in jelly green drops and make you feel like you are running, but not getting forward. Or it can suddenly speed ahead, make you forget space and swoosh by like cars in the dark. My time rubber band has been stretched and released quite a bit during the past weeks. When I am with the right people it flows with me like golden light, other times I wait for it to pass and when commuting through Berlin it makes me dive into myself. Looking back, it feels like the past weeks just took a finger click. It was exciting, I laughed a lot, I felt a lot, I even learned a lot and suddenly I am in this bubble of loneliness where there is a sensation from head to toe and I am thrown back at myself again. I feel a bit powerless, confused and also kind of sad. But not that sadness of world pain and destruction. It’s more of a melancholic pain of how fast things can change. Life has taken up speed again, and I am not quite sure if I can follow.

First things first: friendship. If you are really honest, how often is it that you meet a like minded person you can just be yourself with, fool around, cry and tell your honest opinion about everything. With how many people that you meet do you really connect on a deeper level? Especially in rushed phases of my life, I met a lot of interesting people but only a few stuck with me for longer. I feel a deep connection to some people that live quite far away. That gave me a lot of strength during more lonely days in Berlin. Knowing that I have those friends, whom I might not have been with for two years and still meet and feel like no time has passed, makes me so entirely grateful.

Take my friend Letzu, for example. This women is like a sister to me, together we become something new and crazy and I enjoy every moment with her. When I met her again in October, we had the craziest dream night out, with secrets and beer and the whole program. I feel so close to her and even though she is one of my best friends in the world, I forgot her birthday. It was November second and I simply forgot. It didn’t even cross my mind. But does that make me a bad friend? I hope not. Because, Letzu, you are like a sister and since I forgot your birthday once, I will never forget it again, as embarrassment will engrave the date on my brain. See, time took me by the hand and hopped with me through the days and there was no yesterday or tomorrow, there was just life running by. I knew I had forgotten, because you told me. I AM SO SUPER DUPER REALLY SUPER SORRY. And I miss you right now, because I want to tell you abound my friend Time and what she did with me. She is not as crazy as you, you bet. She also does not wear as funny hats. And she has no clue how to secretly smoke at the window. But I want to tell you that life is good and that I think of you every day. I miss you!

So yea, maybe this bubble is good and maybe it is OK that I am a bit confronted with myself and the people who really matter. And one lesson I have leant is: don’t let the speed of time dominate your existence. I am responsible for my own happiness, so Time, please go to the corner, I have some catching up to do.

Mumified Bananas found at Sanssouci Palace

2011-10-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

As everything keeps changing and dear people around me start new experiences, I am doing a small, big step myself by starting a Masters program in foreign language linguistics at the University of Potsdam, close to Berlin.

My first day out on campus was for a small introduction event. Still, I was excited as a 14-year-old starting school after summer and wondering what to wear. The problem was solved much faster than 12 years ago, though. Off course everything matched, even my handbag.

The campus was WOW! I went to a Scandinavian university before with modernist buildings and now I felt like going back in time. It was a big complex, probably really connected to the Sanssouci Palace back in the days with scattered buildings that looked like people with big dresses and long beards should walk around. Instead, I met other fellow students everything from goth- to tech-type people. I bought a ridiculously cheap cup of coffee and searched my handbag for my mobile to call my mom and hysterically tell her about the architecture of my new school and how she should from now on call me Duchess Anna. All I found was a mummified banana (I am not kidding!) and I had to laugh so hard about it, I almost forgot to find my phone.

See, the 100-year-old banana is like my life in a nutshell. I always leave traces of food wherever I go and when I went to school it felt like a science project when I cleaned my bags – I am a chaotic person, who forgets about EVERYTHING (but mostly where I left food). That’s why I love lists so much. I love to organize, just because if I don’t, I will eventually starve. What this small moment showed me, is that I am going to stay the same deep inside, whatever I will do one day and wherever I will live. I will stay the same in my core and that made me very happy. When things change and you develop, you might be afraid to meet an old, dark side of yourself. And that can happen, but with all that change there is that one tiny constant light: your essential you. Off course there is a lot more to it than mummified bananas – but I really needed this discovery to kick-start my new experience with new challenges ahead.

Melon Mix of Bananalicous Time

2011-08-15T09:08:00.000-07:00

Dear reader, there has not been a post in a while, as my life was so eventful that my head simply did not have the capacity to reflect on what was going on at the same time as putting it down in words for you to read.

Normally German news goes into summer break starting July, there is nothing going on in politics and you read about drowned dogs or dry cornfields in the newspapers. This summer has been different, the world seems different, things change extremely fast and the news are filled with partly horrible news which in return also show how horrible actions from some can bring out the best in others, like the massacre in Norway brought out such a wave of love from the Norwegian people.

Instead of slowing down, my live seems to have accelerated since June. I went to beautiful/morbid/delicious/sunny Palermo to visit my friend Sophia. Even though my Italian is practically non-existent I managed to communicate with people around me. Sicilians are a very interesting group of people, of course they mostly categorize you as tourist and try to keep communication to a minimum but they reward you for returning to them. So if you buy your fruit at the same stall at the marketplace every time, the salesman will trust and like you over time. It was simply great to visit a friend in a foreign country and to see Italy through her eyes; it is much different from lonely exploration with a guidebook. This experience was very vivid and refreshing.

AND! I finally had visitors to Berlin. One of my friends, Nora, suggested to me to open a hostel, as she saw how much I enjoyed being a host. It was great to finally see friends again and to show them where I live right now. It was funny to see what expectations visitors have, as I would never go to a restaurant with German cuisine in a city like Berlin, where you can taste so many different cultures. I am very grateful for everyone’s interest in the city and for the love they brought to my house.
And one thing is for sure: I have to visit Copenhagen in October before I start in university.

YES! I will do a Masters Program at Potsdam University and I am totally geeking out about it! I will study foreign language linguistics and part of the program will be to learn a new language. So Spanish speaking people: Pronto voy a ser uno de ustedes! Thank you google translate : )

So yes, life is filled with friends & family, work and figuring out stuff. I hope that I soon will be able to reflect on things and also tell you more deeply how I developed over the past months.

Until then: have a great day – each day!

Almanya - or why do I look like a genetic copy of my mom?

2011-06-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

I just came home from an extraordinary experience at an open air cinema in a park in “Friedrichshein”. Together with some new friends (awesome!), I had the pleasure to watch Almanya. It is a movie about a Turkish family and their story of how they came to Germany, connected to how they live today and where they come from.

The story telling has many interesting aspects, like the use of language. As the main language is German, they had to illustrate how it was for the Turkish family to arrive in a country where they did not understand a word. So the “German” in the story is a fictive language and as a linguist, this was extremely exciting for me.

Apart from being extremely well told, the story left a main thought in my head: How everything in the past and somehow also in the future is connected. I have parts of my mom and dad in me, I carry their history with me and that of many people in my family. I am a result of the culture that my family conveyed to me. Personally, I feel extremely close to my mother and my sister and I really feel that we have a deeper connection that grows stronger every day. My most influential teachers of life lessons are from my family. My mom taught me that love is blind, my step dad taught me the importance of honesty, my granny taught me the beauty of forgiveness (and backgammon) and somehow everyone took part in who I am today. This close web of lifelines makes us who we are today.

I met people who struggled on their own, people who had left their family and sought after their own truth and happiness. For some time I thought that there were two categories of people: family people and independent people. Today I realized that maybe their web of family needed those people to get disconnected and start something different and new. And who knows, even though they are not actively connected to their family, they live up to some dream buried deep inside the family history.

In the movie, the grandfather was the one who uprooted his family and took them to a foreign land. It did not make them a family with less heritage and culture, it made them more diverse and culturally enriched. My mother, who was the first one in the entire big family to get divorced and who raised my sister and me on her own, also disconnected from certain parts of her heritage and it made us richer as a family. I know that my family respects my mother for her independence and that maybe sometimes some of them wish to be as brave as her.

I have always felt a bit disconnected from time and always very aware of the history I carried with me, or should I say that carried me? I like the thought of being an evolvement of something that existed before I was there. And my family is the proof that this evolvement is necessary, exciting and great. Tonight I am simply grateful for the things I carry from them.

Everyone has their own little mean "me"

2011-05-12T05:15:00.000-07:00

When life is to good to be true, I am flying on a cloud through the days and everything is as delicious as chocolate chip ice cream. There is nobody who could harm me on days like that; it’s the time where I collect self-esteem like a magnet. I just had one of those periods. Sun was shining, people where smiling and I was good at the things I did: work, friends, family, stuff.

I am addicted to the feel good drug and as soon as things do not go well, my mind screams – give me the drug, I cannot live without it! So when I fly extremely high, like in chocolate chip clouds, I can be sure that there will be something making sure I get dragged down again.

Most of the times the thing is me. I think, everyone knows their own little mean “me”. Nature made sure that we do not fly too high, so it invented a “me” for everyone. My “me” really dragged me down and it gave me a quite tough time. It taught me not to get too arrogant on that cloud, because it will make sure, that if I don’t cherish the cloud, it will show me it’s ugly face. There is a “me” that you show everyone, and then there is a “me” that shows up when you lose control, when you drink too much, for example. For some people, the drunk “me” is a good change. They get more outgoing and confident. I just get too much. And I hate when I am too much. “Me” knows that for example, so it did exactly that to remind me of how important it is to be humble. So I hit the bottom hard, I even hit my knee. The awesome thing is: It did not take too long to get back to normal. I ripped of the bandage and go by bike through sunny Berlin, but all in a very humble way.

P.S. The post was written while listening to"The Water" over and over again. I am addicted not only to the feel good drug, but also to this song!

This is where I hide my secrets!

2011-04-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I was in paradise. It is a simple place without any heavy baggage taking away your attention from what is important. When you work hard, it is good to keep a key to your own personal paradise hidden in a drawer, so that when you really need it, you can access it.

My paradise is a very small place. It is a little wooden house and around it grows a wild garden. Sometimes you can make a small campfire, when the right people are there and there is an old Christmas tree asking to be used for something else. You can barbeque, put your hands in the earth and plant flowers, you can hide small presents in shadowy corners. The most important thing is that you can just be yourself and you will be loved the way you are. To me, there are only a few places where I can feel so safe and this is my number one.

The weekend was full of sunshine and relaxing with my mom and sis and what inspired me to this post is the crazy thunderstorm running over Berlin. To some people it might try to destroy the past sunny days, but to me it brings back a needed balance, because we all know, in order for things to grow, they need water.

Where to you hide your key to your own little refuge paradise?

Ice cream and cake and cake - OR WHAT!?

2011-04-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

Today is a “big jumps” – day. I am all buzzy, smiling and just happy to be where I am. I truly enjoy this feeling after long weeks of feeling like my feet were dragged to the ground like clumsy magnets. It is incredible how the interaction with people you care about gives you energy even though you spend time and effort on make things with them happen. I discovered how a balance between social interaction and alone-time is what also keeps me going. I am not a person who can jump from date to date, party to party and dinner to dinner, without taking a break and spending some time with myself. There are times when things just fit together, circumstances are making sense and the whole karma philosophy of “you get what you give” is spot on.

I wanted to make a post of my final sprint of fasting. Last week I imagined me counting the seconds to finally being able to eat chocolate, pancakes and some meat again. Instead I would like to take a moment and cherish the things that I discovered the past weeks.

You can bake a vegan cake without sugar. It will not be super sweet, but with ingredients like vinegar and stevia, it can be a success. The longer you live without sugar, the less you actually need sweet things. My cakes are not as sweet as normal ones, but they are totally enough for me.

Rushing is stupid. Normally when I bike, I rush super much and get frustrated when I have to stop at a red light. Now I take the red light period as a mini-break and use the time to notice the world around me.

Some habits are worth keeping: I always eat at the office, cook here or take something prepared from home, while my colleagues eat out. I stuck with it and now we are already three girls eating here every day and many colleagues join us regularly.

There is many things you can eat as a snack: fruit, nuts, fruit puree, apple butter and also non-sweet things, like the great organic and vegan spreads they offer in German health food stores.

Life does not end without butter. I thought that for a long time, but IT’S NOT TRUE!

There are many more things I learned. I actually played the guitar and I also took up some conflicts I would have avoided before. The bottom line is that I do not really go crazy over the fact that I soon will be able to go nuts on food and drinks again. It is actually ok to live like I do now. I will take some new, better eating habits with me and I will definitely do a fasting period again. And off course, I am looking forward to once in a while being able to satisfy my urge for some pancakes or ice cream – it ‘s soon summer for heavens sake!

M.A.G.G.I.E. - Make adjustments, go get it energized!

2011-04-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

from confidentialityspice

The past weeks of fasting have been a constant emotional roller coaster. It seems like the period was under the headline M.A.G.G.I.E.: Make Adjustments Go Get It Energized! This quote from one of my favorite TV shows “How I met your mother”, describes my journey best.

Adjustments:

I still make the mistake of thinking that the decisions I take are a linear thing, with only one possible outcome. Well, life does not work in linear ways; the turns, hills and stones on the way are what make life interesting and fun.

So I thought: I will work 3 days a week starting April. I will have time to pursue some personal interests and have time to invest in my personal development.

The past two weeks, life has put some stones in the way of that. I had to realize that my workplace needs me more that just 3 days a week, and that I need more than 3 days a week to do a good job there. I am finally part of quite interesting projects, my colleagues know my strengths and start requesting my skills in English and organization, for example. So, in order for me to do a good job, I simply need more time. Thus, I also set a good ground for one my most pressuring goals: beginning my Masters and thus building my academic dream career, starting October. As a student, I will have much less income. So it is important to me to clear my depts, before I become a student again, which is now possible with the extra money.

Energy:

Being extremely busy the past weeks, it was hard to keep my fasting rules. My mom, my sister, and I are all fasting and when we did not eat cake at a big family party, my aunt killed us with her eyes, which looked like she would wish to take each of us and throw our faces into the cake buffet. I tried to calm her down with the words “…but it looks really delicious!” – I don’t really think it worked. The lack of sugar really got on my mood at times, especially when I was confronted with quite some pressure and stress. I would like to say that I eat more fruits and vegetables, but it is all a bit “complicated”.

The good things about the fasting are the new rituals and triggers I was able to discover. After my fasting period is over, I will consume much more soya products. Also, I found some activities that keep me grounded. It made me value the food, I generally consume: I never looked more forward to eat some ice cream or just a boiled egg. Just two weeks and I’ll be getting food-orgasms over these things. One thing that boosts my mood other than sugar is sports. It’s been a week now, where I traveled Berlin by bike and it is exciting how much positive results this generates. It is definitely a good sugar substitute and a much needed adventure at times.

So, “Make adjustments, go get it energized” was a depressing, fun, exciting and in the end fulfilling journey. I hope you are on track with your adjustments and energy.

Next week I will try to convey some “Yay, the fasting countdown has started!”-excitement!

Watch the clip about M.A.G.G.I.E. here.

Picture Source: http://i835.photobucket.com/albums/zz273/kerryveritas724/himympicspam/510006.jpg

The art of slow motion

2011-04-01T01:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.nataliedee.com/archives/2008/Mar/

Today I am going to connect my post to one of my fasting goals: walking slower.

I noticed that the posts I write out of true inspiration, and not just “the plight to update people”, are the ones that touch you the most. Inspiration is a slippery thing, tough. If you do not grab it when it’s there, you might lose it and any attempt to reach that moment won’t be as good as the initial idea. That is why I am sitting on my bed, writing the post in my diary. I now post is “past inspiration” – but from the moment of inspiration, if you know what I mean.

As you might know, I was sick last week and extremely lonely. This week feels like I have to catch up what I missed. It’s like a special offer “buy one – get two”.

I had two big projects at work and in order to catch up, I stayed longer in the office every night. Yesterday was also my last day of internship, so cooked some lunch for my colleagues. AND yesterday was an important presentation that had to be prepared.

I only went home for sleeping and taking a shower. I was constantly “on” and in a hurry.

Cooking for 15 people needs quite some inspiration. In my lunch break on Wednesday I rushed to the super market, after working hours I used the company kitchen to prepare the food. In-between, I worked on the concept I had to present the next day. I used a lot of concepts from my experience as a trainer in AIESEC and any AIESEC’er would love what I had designed for my colleagues.

Yesterday, I got up an hour early to have enough time to prepare the lunch. Then it happened: my colleagues started helping and I had the chance to bond with them. Finally eating the lunch was a great social event for all colleagues.

After that I had the final sprint for the presentation. My concept was part of an implementation strategy. To my big surprise the project team accepted my concept and we had a long, but fruitful meeting. It really felt like the work we all had done beforehand was finally connected. At 8 p.m. I left the office with a feeling of grateful exhaustion. My friend and role model Dey Dos calls it “feeling empty” – because you have given everything to your environment. It is a positive feeling, because you know you leave something behind.

In the past week I achieved many things I had aimed for when I came to Berlin. I made some new friends and I actually could use my AIESEC experience in a corporate context.

On my way home, I could calm down. The way home from the tram, I walked very slowly and enjoyed every step. I could seize the moment and rushing was not really necessary. It helped me to re-connect with my inner self, because the last few days I just had to function. It is funny how small things like that bring you back to who you really are.

So the next time I’m in a rush, I won’t get annoyed with slow people, because it might be that they re-connect with their true self.

I have a confession to make:

2011-03-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

I sleep too much. Thus I am awake at 23:38 and my mind won’t rest. Be assured that the minute it touches my pillow it will float away to the land of dreams. But still, I have been planning on writing an update since Sunday when a sudden fever and the worst visit of influenza has haunted my body and squeezed my brain so much that I was not really able to think or walk without the feeling of my head being magnetically drawn to the ground. After a bizarre visit to a doctor, I was told to stay in bed the rest of the week and gurgle salt water.

It has been one of the loneliest weeks during my time back in Germany and I really miss my friends who are scattered around the world. I have been true to my strict fasting rules: no sugar, vegan food, I even practiced the guitar and I was forced to walk slow with my influenzarized head and everything. But I missed my friends. When I start things, I always make these really strict rules and crazy goals. I will never be happy with what I achieve because I will always have some impossible goal on my list. Instead of saying “I won’t use Facebook (yea, this is where I am getting to) at work”, I said, “I won’t use Facebook at all during the next 40 days”. Bravo, Anna! So, on Sunday, I logged on and checked what people were up to, without commenting or writing updates, whatsoever. And since then I spent 5 minutes each day just watching what people were up to. And I am really sorry, Anna, but I have to let you down on this goal. So I am rephrasing: no Facebook during work or as a thing to fight boredom. I need to know what the people that I love and never see are up to. I need to write them a text when I think of them and I just want to see how they are once in a while. And no, Anna and critic, emails are not the same.

So after 15 days of fasting, I have already let go of one goal. The food and mind thing works out pretty well, though. My skin looks great, I think about what to eat and find great recipes to cook. I am finding my path back to a healthy life. I just should not forget one very important goal: keep in touch with my friends and spend time with them. So, some of you will get a mail soon. Let’s get on skype and update each other on the latest gossip.

I am in heaven: Men are cooking for me and I can walk like a model! OR Fasting experience 1

2011-03-16T06:36:00.000-07:00

http://need-to-know.de/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/vegan1.jpg

It has now been one week of fasting. I have changed my food habits to vegan without sugar, avoided Facebook and tried to walk slower.

First thing: it is hard to start a big project while traveling. I was in Denmark delivering a conference, when my fasting time started. My friends were really interested and supportive. The night before I started I had some Ben and Jerry’s with Lexi; Peter and JohnJohn cooked vegan for us in Odense; and the conference crew packed special sandwiches with my name on. Still, I was hungry, as I could not just find some vegan sweets, because most of the time I eat sugar when I am hungry. I am just not used to proper, regular meals.

Second thing: It feels good to be a bit more aware of what I am consuming. In the supermarket, I look at the ingredients and take some time before I buy stuff. I also try to plan what I am going to eat, so I have a list when I do shopping. This way, I am not just buying things because I am hungry, but because I have a purpose with the goods.

Third thing: It is really hard to keep off Facebook. I needed some pictures for the conference and they were all on there. I had to log in to find those; I saw the red speech bubbles telling me how many notifications, messages, and friend requests I had received. I did not check any of those, I went directly to the pictures I needed and logged off again. I just gave myself a little pat on the back for that one :-)

I am really proud that I actually did everything on my list, except playing guitar, which I will do this week.

Do you know the phenomenon of when you disvover something new, you see it everywhere? This is how I have it with vegan life style right now, and here is one of my discoveries: vegan fashion! It is an online shop called Muso Koroni.

http://www.vego-design.de/AdvancedSlider/slider/muso_koroni.jpg

I noticed that I have some time during my nights without any plans (i.e. where I don’t meet friends or go to the cinema, etc). So I would really appreciate if you would leave a comment telling me some exciting books to read (content not connected to food) or if you have a recipe for me to try out. Thank you so much for your support!

40 days and 40 nights without Facebook

2011-03-08T02:30:00.000-08:00

Sioux Indian Fasting

Starting tomorrow I will be fasting. I have never done it before, some of my friends and family did it and inspired me to join them this year.

I am not part of any religion, so I do not know traditions connected to fasting. We celebrate Easter and Christmas, the general Christian holidays, but more as a part of our traditions, not connected to the religious background. To us it is time for family and friends enjoying life together and celebrating what we have.

I have friends with very diverse cultural backgrounds, which is why I had the chance to join Muslim Ramadan meals, watch Indian friends fasting, and saw other people repeating rituals connected to their believe. I was always a little bit envious of the rich history those people carry with them. They did something they believe brings them closer to God.

In history, people have conducted cleansing rituals in all kind of ways. Back in the days spring was a classical time to do fasting, as it was a time where natural food reserves got scarce in Europe and nature forced people to eat less. Today, we can get whatever we want and seasonal food is foreign to us. The supermarkets offer strawberries right now, shipped in from Israel and Spain, while the actual German season for it starts only in mid-may. On top of that we spend our time watching TV and checking Facebook instead of reading a book or doing something productive.

The 40 days before Easter is the general Christian time to fast. Originally the time before Christmas was meant for fasting as well, but let’s focus on Easter. It goes back to Jesus who went 40 days into the desert and fasted. During time it developed from everybody fasting, to just the monasteries fasting, who also altered the fasting rules quite a bit, by brewing beer and later eating fish and heavy flour meals.

In a spiritual way you are requested to reflect on your current habits and life style. It is a time of physical and psychological cleansing and that is also what makes it so attractive to me.

After returning from India, I had bad stomach problems and somehow nature forced me to fast, as I could eat healthy things without problems, but as soon as I would eat junk, I would feel pain. Slowly my stomach got used to German food again and by now I can eat whatever I want without any problems. But now the side effects of my life style are showing: my skin breaks out, my belly is growing and I do not get enough motion. After returning from a long day at work, I watch my favorite series until I fall asleep and I have Facebook running in the background at all times.

I am not going to do some of these hardcore 7 days fasting cures, where you only drink soup. As it is the first time I am fasting and for 40 days, I have planned to make a more long-term plan.

So here is what I will do:

START
- Eating vegan, i.e. relinquish from meat, fish, milk products, eggs, etc.
- Practicing the guitar
- Walking slower

STOP
- Using Facebook
- Eating sugar and junk food
- Drinking alcohol
- Avoiding conflicts

I would like the 40 days to start living more consciously. This means that I want to be aware of my eating habits and take back more time for doing things I see as an investment to myself. There are many things I want to do better as a person. I have changed quite a bit the last couple of years and not only for the better. Since I have been in Berlin, I noticed that I avoided conflicts with certain people. It was more convenient, just to keep it for myself, as a confrontation would risk a fight and maybe the loss of a friend. I think it is fun to try something new, like eating vegan. It is nothing I can imagine doing forever, but I like the thought of trying it out. I bought a cookbook and a book on fasting, so I have things to return to when it gets too hard. I am mostly concerned about the Facebook part, as I spend a lot of time on it. I heard on the radio that it is a common thing to do for fasting, so I know I wont be the only one. And as for the walking: I hurry everywhere. I cannot walk outside without getting stressed about reaching a bus or being on time. When I walk together with others, I am always somewhere ahead, because I just cannot slow down. I am going to try and slow down a bit the next 40 days.

It is said that people feel lighter when they fast. This feeling of unloading is what drives me to go through the process.

I would be glad if you leave a comment below. Tell me what you think about my plan.

Sharing is caring: Goal Setting

2011-03-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

Dear Ana,

Since I started to study, I have learned a lot about goal setting and how it influences the way I live. Especially the experiences from AIESEC showed me how goal setting helps you achieve the things you dream of and to not lose track of your goals.

An example: When I finished high school, I decided to study international business communication in English and French. My studies were not really what I expected them to be, both content and people wise. I had built up this huge idealistic image of university life that I was vastly disappointed when I was confronted with reality. I knew very soon that I was going to switch to another profession and ended up in the English department, which I loved very much. The entire process of switching and deciding was very difficult and somehow painful because I did not really know what I was good at and what I wanted. A year after I switched, I suddenly realized why I had signed up for international business communication: I really loved the German-French TV station ARTE and I had the goal to work for them, I just had pushed it away from me, being too concerned about not being content. Today, I think that I might have tried harder to pursue my first study line, if I hadn’t lost that goal out of my view.

In AIESEC, I learnt fast how to do goal setting and I use some personal methods for myself, when I have to make decisions or want to check my path. And it makes me more conscious about my choices and changing mind.

Currently I have to decide what to do after my internship. I know that I want to take a MA degree starting October and I also know what I want to study, I am just not sure how to use the time until then. This is a good reason to look at my life from a bird perspective and to refresh my goals in order to know what is important for me and which values I have gained in the recent past.

In this video I go through my goals and reflect a bit on them. Funny fact: I did it in pajama pants, as I actually was sick today. Below you find an introduction to why I chose the spaces and how I filled them.

Here is my Banana Goal Setting from today:

PERSONAL:
It is important to know what I want to achieve on a personal level, because my professional decisions depend on it and I get a clear picture what is important to me as a person right now.

PROFESSIONAL:
I want to recapture why I did the things that I did and where I want to go. I also put down what is important for me during this journey.

FLUFFY GOALS:
The above goals can somehow be measured, my fluffy goals are more the mindset of my lifestyle. It is things I want to remember doing or act upon on my way to the other goals.

THE NEXT 6 MONTH:
Here, I put down what opportunities and challenges I see for my goals right now. I list down every opportunity I have, no matter how I think about it and then list the challenges I face. These can be real life challenges like lack of money, or just personal obstacles.

These charts cannot be filled in one night, I just got started tonight. I already saw that I forgot to put down my guitar playing as a personal goal. I do these things very intuitive and don’t use any SMART method or whatsoever. I am more concerned about getting my thoughts on paper and to order them. I can structure them and make them measurable along the way.

So tell me, did you find this post useful? What would you do differently?

A feel-good engine fueled by awesomeness

2011-02-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

our tree

Do you know the feeling you get after a day where you really feel, you have achieved something? To me it is like fuel into my good mood engine and it makes me shine inside, it makes me feel alive. And if you have not noticed yet, I am additionally proud when I did something that generally is not expected from women. This just adds some awesomeness to the good feeling.

My mom heats her house with an oven, so once in a while we go to visit her in order to help out preparing the wood: cut it, pile it up, carry it into the house, etc. Early spring we do the biggest wood day of the year, where we actually go into the forest and get wood we have bought from the ranger. As I lived in Denmark until recently, I was hardly part of any big wood events, but this year it was ON! We even had to cut down a tree on our own. It was a ca. 50-year-old beech tree and as one of our closest friends is a (female) ranger, she cut it down for us.

the landing

After overcoming some start difficulties, Jana performed wonders with her chain saw. She knew exactly how and where to cut in order to let the tree fall where she intended it to: in the middle of the path. I was buzzing with anticipation and then the signal came: “Tree falling!” and like in slow motion the tree touched the earth, blowing dust and leaves in the air that would stand still and then join the slow motion on their way back to the ground. The sky was bright, sun was shining through the trees and we had a tree to take away from the path.

We were three women who had to make the tree disappear until dusk. We took off the branches you could not use for fire wood, we divided the tree in pieces, carried the pieces into our van and drove them to a place where we later can cut them into fitting pieces for the oven.

Better get to work!

It was hard physical labor, but it actually made me feel good. Out in the fresh air, working under time pressure, I had a real feeling of hunger. I generally eat irregularly and unhealthy, but here my stomach told me to eat. We had some bread and some typical German sausage, but no knife, so we broke the bread and ate the sausage separately and it was the most delicious meal I had in a very long time. The work grounded me and cleared my head. Suddenly I was one step closer to an important decision I have to make. I have a tendency to over-think stuff and working with my mom and Jana showed me that happiness really only depends on very few factors. To me doing things on my own, putting some sweat into them is a very fulfilling activity.

So, how much did your Saturday contribute to your own happiness?

All rights to the pictures are reserved!

You were riding a rollercoaster with who??

2011-02-11T03:11:00.000-08:00

Getty Images RF

Last night, I had the most wonderful dream. I was riding a very strange but awesome rollercoaster with my grandfather (!) and at the right moment, time would slow down, so we could take pictures.
It gave me a really good feeling in my stomach, which persisted all morning. So I thought, I would share it.

P.S.: On my seach for rollercoaster pictures, I found this blog with crazy rollercoaster moments.

May you relax until death do us part!

2011-02-04T02:31:00.000-08:00

I promised in my post yesterday that I would tell you about a relaxing exercise, which involves warmth and a cocoon.

It is called liver compress and helps your liver to supply with blood and thus will be able to better detoxify. It is part of the “Buchinger-method”, which entails a fasting ritual and god knows what. My mom heard of it in one of her therapist seminars and was told that it is especially good for people with depressions. In Germany we have a saying: “He had a bug crawling his liver” – which means, the person is in a bad mood. And that does not come out of the blue, the liver somehow is connected to our mood, so if our liver is healthy, we are more happy. After what I read online, you have to do it at noon, but I always do it in the evenings. Just remember to do it after you have eaten.

I just like the liver compress, because it really helps me to relax and calm down, especially after a long day at work.

So here is what you need:

- a hot-water bag

- a linen towel

- a bigger towel

- a couch and a blanket (preferably cozy)

Step 1:

Fill the hot-water bag with boiling water and make sure there is no air in the bag, so it can lie flat on your stomach. Let it rest for ten minutes.

Step 2:

Prepare the couch/ bed: Put a blanket flat on the bed and a pillow, so you can lie comfortably on it. Turn on some calm, relaxing music.

Step 3:

After the ten minutes are over, take the linen towel and wet it with warm water. You can also make an extra herb infusion, just google what you need for that. Lie down and put the towel on your stomach (where the liver is, right under the right chest).

That's were the liver is located - and the belly button :-)

Step 4:

Put the hot-water bag on the towel on your stomach. Take the bigger towel and wrap it around your stomach, so the other stuff is pressed against your skin.

Step 5:

Wrap yourself in the blanket like in a cocoon. It is important that you have everything very tight to your body: the hot stuff, your arms and the blanket.

Step 6:

RELAX! Let your day pass in your imagination, think of something good and enjoy 20 minutes of perfect warmth and happiness. Probably you’ll dose off and many times I fell deeply asleep, so you might get into your pajamas for this exercise.

Try it out yourself. It is a nice exercise to connect body and soul. Wow, that was my first health post – are you as excited as I am?

The cruel Murder of Cody!

2011-02-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

Review of Cody and Murder at Café Zapata, Berlin, 02.02.2011

Cody

Murder

It is weird for me to write reviews, because I really like to do it, but I am extremely subjective and often write on matters I am not really an expert on. I just discover things for myself and want to share it.

When it comes to music, I have phases, when I go out and find cool stuff all by myself. Most of the time, though, my friends have to stick my nose into new stuff and I will eventually love it. The same goes for this one: my roommate Nicolai told me to come to this cool act, called Murder, an Neo Folk band from Denmark. There also would be a Danish band, “Cody”, as intro act.

Nicolai is a very considerate person, so the night before yesterday, he gave me the latest album of Murder to get into the mood. I went into my cocoon with a hot water bottle, called a liver compress (which has to be explained in another post) and listened to the album. It was just great: me on a wave of wonderful music doing a journey through the past day. It really was what made my day that day and Murder was a big part of it. So then I really looked forward to the concert.

It was at Zapata, in the ancient Tacheles complex, a Berlin icon from the 90’s and today crowded with international students and tourists. It is a quite diverse bunch of people there, because they have really cool and different concerts.

Because I am so lazy, no: so smart, no: so effective (!), I went there right after work, got a new book and a Falafel and sat at the bar for a beer to read a bit, before the whole thing started and my roommate would arrive. The early bird gets lucky sometimes, because I was in before they started selling tickets, so I had saved the 13 € entry fee.

I liked meeting the Danish boys I would enjoy the show with and off it goes with the bands:

Cody:
They are a group of six, with very diverse instruments (2 guitars, drums, cello, violin, and contrabass). Each one of them is a very good musician and together they do magic. I was fascinated by their performance and how good their live sound was. It really filled up my barrel. I have this personal metaphor: there are things that take energy away, like negative stress and there are things that give you energy. It is like a barrel that gets filled and emptied. Due to work and a lack of after work activities, my barrel was quite empty, but it got filled up, when I saw them. So, I used the money I had saved on the entry fee to by their latest LP.

Murder:
They are quite known in Indie circles. The appearance of the lead singer Jacob Bellens on stage was quite interesting, as he looked like a history teacher who could not find his classroom – in a good way. Anders Mathiasen does guitar and vocals and he reminded me slightly of a young version of my dad, which is weird, but in some way also a compliment. They also have a base player and a drummer. They had this Danish humor, which was entertaining and the quality of their performance was top. A lot of it is carried by Bellens’ great voice. I have to admit, that my heart was sold to Cody, so to me they could not really do better.

All in all, it was a splendid evening and I really enjoyed the entire experience. It gave me a lot of new ideas and hope, which was good, as I was quite negatively loaded that day. I have a feeling that I will finally get what I wanted from a city. I am able to see great cultural events, be it music, exhibitions or whatever. I always missed that in the past few years. The thing is, that it was there in the other cities as well, but I did not make anything out of it. Now, I am taking in as much as I can and it really is uplifting.

Where the Wild Things are

2011-01-28T05:18:00.000-08:00

I am too excited to tell you my thoughts that I wont post any information about the content of the movie, but here is the trailer.

I have a new favorite movie. It is called “Where the wild things are” and it is about a boy without any fear who decides to become the king of a group of monsters. It is the first time in my life that I can imagine what is really going on in a boys mind. Plus, the older I get, the more I miss childhood and the wild possibilities that existed just for us.

The movie made me accept silence. I only accept silence, when my mind is so busy reflecting and figuring out that it does not need any entertainment. At times I have to play the radio constantly to distract my mind, but not so last night. “Where the wild things are” opened a new box of imagination to me and I am eternally grateful for it.

The minute the movie started, I felt like I was allowed to peak into the head of my dear friend Letzu. I admire her secretly for her way of seeing the world and somehow I feel like I had the chance to see through her eyes for the lasting one and half hours. Some people are interesting to me because they stand out of the categories I prison my encounters in. Letzu is one of the rare people who opened a new category and until now she has been alone in that box, because I have not met anyone whose world was as wild, colorful and devastating, but beautiful as hers. I feel like “Where the wild things are” took me there and it touched me to my very core.

Also I am currently reading “Power and Love – A Theory and Practice of Social Change” by Adam Kahane. Most of his life the author relied on love to accomplish his goals and saw power as something negative to be avoided. Seeing that brave character of Max telling wild stories to these strangely lovely monsters demonstrates to me how everyone relies on power to make things happen and to effect change. Without power, love has no impact. Power does not necessarily mean to dictate others, but it can be a way to make things happen and create new ways to solve issues. Power without love is cruel and in the end we will all be where we started in childhood: Someone will cry and leave the playground.

To me, this movie is a masterpiece. I will definitely read the book by Maurice Sendak and dream of the beautiful pictures it left in my mind.

And by the way: Until today I secretly wished to only give birth to girls. From today on I would be just as thrilled to have a boy (at some point in a future very far away from now).

Nighmares - a Conclusion

2011-01-21T01:46:00.000-08:00

First of all: thank you friends. I got such nice advice after my last post that I want to share my conclusion.

Generally, I got this advice: You have to forgive yourself in order to move on.

My reasoning is connected to my post about the number two’s in this world. I see myself as a strong number two and I will explain one characteristic of a number two here:

There are people who see, or read something and then take a conclusion and act upon it. And then there are people who read the same things, also get the conclusion but cannot really act upon them.

When I was younger and saw some girls with über-possessive and –jealous boyfriends I would think to myself “Why would any girl ever fall for such a douche bag?” and I would be extremely sure that this would never happen to me. The day came, where I was falling for this kind of guy and I spend 8 months discovering that this was not the kind of person I wanted to be with (or actually that I did not want to be that kind of person that situation made me).

I am the kind of person who has to be in a situation to learn from it. It is not enough for me to read it in a book and act upon it. Sometimes the universe will show you why things happen as they do.

I always wanted to be a strong and independent woman who is sure of what is good and bad for her, but life would not be life, if you would not have to go through trials. There are circumstances that weaken a person and there are ways to escape these states of personality, ways to grow out of them. One way to grow as a person is to make mistakes. I am very grateful for many mistakes that I made and you are right, I was just not capable to forgive myself for this one. I would not forgive myself for being quite the opposite of the woman I wanted to be.

All I can say is that I am on a way to become the woman I want to be and this “mistake” makes me understand why some women chose the men that they do.

One advice I got out from this two year (!) recovery period is that you have to be self-sufficient before you throw yourself into the next relationship. I am getting there.

And, to end this topic, I will show you my favorite break-up recovery cartoon.

The Villain in my Dreams

2011-01-18T09:25:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had a nightmare. I did not have any drapes on my window and lived first floor. I was running around naked in the apartment, not realizing that everyone on the street could see me. Just underlining again: It was a dream! So, the doorbell rings, and my evil ex-boyfriend is in the door jelling at me that everyone on the street can see me naked. He makes me feel really bad about it and then continues to tell me he still loves me and not his new girl friend and that he cannot understand why I would not be with him.

Every time I talk about him, I call him the evil boyfriend and close friends will understand whom I am talking about.

Actually he is not a bad person as such. I would even say that we have a lot in common and even have that soul mate connection. Just that his past and some of his habits where not good for us as a couple, because it affected him a lot as a person. So to me, all his goodness was in his core, but there was a bad wrapping around it. I thought, I could change that and remove the wrapping. But we are not talking about toilet seat debates here; we are talking tough stuff like accusations and lack of faith in me. We are talking constant jealousy and possessiveness.

All this made me smaller and smaller. I started doubting myself and lost a lot of self-esteem I had built up in the past years. The effect was the opposite of what I had intended: I started acting like he did and not the other way around. I did not know how to escape the situation, so I cheated on him which made it all even worse. In the end, I quit. I did not want to stay under his spell and returned to myself.

He tried to cut me out of his life, deleted me on various social networks and would not contact me at all. To him, I am the bad person. Now he has moved on, has moved in with his new girl friend, while I still have nightmares with him acting as the villain.

He is the one person in my past, which I cannot forgive and have good feelings about, because he gave me the hardest time of my life. And for me he is evil, because I am still not over it. I mean, it still haunts me in my dreams and he has moved on. So I am asking, what is wrong with me?

Who is that hot chick over there? My sister!

2011-01-07T01:10:00.000-08:00

Lekha and Henni in front of the Berlin TV tower last year

I don’t know if you know, but I have a little sister. Today is her birthday and it hit me that she actually is a grown up woman. Somehow she emerged from that girlish cuteness – where everybody (and when I say everybody I mean eeeeeeeeverybody!) went like “ohhh…!” when they first saw her – to that talented, independent woman.

I have to confess that it took me quite a while to accept my sister’s development. I always wanted to care for her and protect her from the evils in the world, which resulted in her revolting more against me than against my mom when she was in her teenage years.

It seems like she does not know how much I secretly look up to her and how much she impresses me everyday. Some examples:

- As a kid, she could play with one simple thing like a rubber band for hours. I would throw it at her once and be bored already and run off to another exciting thing and when I would return to her, she would still be playing with this thing. This amazes me still today.

- She can love people despite their faults and even if you are mean to her, she will still love you, because she manages to see the good in people.

- She is a fighter. She went for a career that everyone advised her not to go for, because it is too competitive, but in the process she had the chance to make mistakes and go her very own way for the first time. I admire her for that courage.

- She cut her hair off. She has always been admired for her beauty and bubbly spirit. People wanted to adopt her, because she was so cute. She still looked awesome when she cut her hair three centimeters short, but I have to say it gave her some character.

I could go on forever with this list, but I think you get the point. One of the best things in the beginning of every year is always to take my Christmas money and spent it on birthday presents for her. It does not matter if she is grown up or not, I will always enjoy spoiling her.

I really hope that you have a person in your life you love as much as I love my sister. So, happy birthday Hendrikje, ich hab dich lieb!

Only cats have nine lifes?

2011-01-03T06:18:00.000-08:00

After entering school at the age of seven, I had two cycles of development and growth which where quite different from each other, both lasted nine years.

Until I was 16, I spent my life in Germany with my family and with regular school and hobbies. I faced challenges you have to face as a child of a single mom and as the stranger to a new city or school.

After I turned 16, I moved to Denmark, to finish my education and grow up. I truly became an independend individual and have learned to tackle different challenges as they come.

Now I am 25, have moved back to Germany and am both terrified and looking forward to the next nine years. This is the time where I will establish myself not only in terms of education, but mostly in terms of experience.

I have started to conquer monstrous Berlin, which tried to let me down several times but which I forced to work out for me, because Berlin was my only option for Germany. I am beginning to see some paths that I am happy to take and there is finally a goal to invest time in. My current achievements and achievements to come look like this:

Done:

- Find a traineeship

- Find an apartment

- Find a roommate

- Find new and exciting things you ONLY to do in Berlin

To do:

- Figure out my next steps after the traineeship

- Order Internet access for my apartment (finally I can use Skype again!!)

- Finish beautifying the apartment

- Find a choir to join

- Find a gym or yoga class

I am quite happy that my to do list is longer than my done list. I am tired from the past months of discovery and fighting, but I know it’s worth it. What about you? Have you encountered a shift in your life in the recent past and how did you tackle it?

Picture: http://www.onedigitallife.com/images/cat-jump.jpg

How a true lady spends her weekend

2010-12-23T03:35:00.000-08:00

Banana working outfit

As you might know, I have found this nice little apartment in Prenzlauer Berg in Berlin. It was all freshly renovated, except for the floor, which was wooden and painted with a deep red color, very typical for Berlin. It was quite old and you could see that the last owner had taped carpet on the floor, so there was no way around renewing the whole thing.

I had three options:
1. I could put another carpet on top (which would be a bit expensive, but not too much of hard work),
2. I could build in this clickedy clack laminate (which would be expensive and quite some work), or
3. I could grind the entire floor (which would be the cheapest option, but super hard work).

THE machine

So guess, what I did: Off course I went for the cheapest option, so I recruited my mom and rented some machines and off we were to the dirtiest and hardest work on the Banana-planet. There for sure is even harder and dirtier work, but in my sphere this is quite hardcore.

I planned the last Saturday to be our grinding day. It was dirty, it was back aching, but at some point you could see some results. Off course I had planned completely naïve and at the end I had to take two days off work to complete what I had started. Yesterday, we gave back the machines and impressed the craftsmen with our work.

My mom preparing the floor for the next round

It is not everyday that you see a girl with an angle grinder, so I somehow feel stronger and independent. My mom always says: a good woman can substitute the best man. And sometimes her feministic talks go on my nerves, but when I have done something like this with my own two hands, I cannot help but feel freaking fantastic. She also said that every time I enter my apartment I am going to be proud of my floor. To that I can just say: Hell yea!

So, to all the ladies, maybe you should try and give it a try yourself the next time you have to fix something on your bike or at home. It feels awesome once you’re done and afterwards you can take a nice long bath as a reward. It feels better than any other expensive beauty program, I promise!

What it's really about

2010-12-16T01:02:00.000-08:00

This morning I saw this incredible video on YouTube, so have 21.330.938 other people, which I think is awesome.

In the video you see a food court in a mall. I hate food courts, because you have to eat in the middle of all these consumerist temples, next to the makeup and jeans stores. To me, food belongs in a safe, quite place, where you get the chance to enjoy what’s on your plate, and to enjoy your company.

Anywho, there is a key board player, who plays Christmas tunes in the background, he is ignored, but suddenly a woman jumps up singing Haleluya. And a flash-mob starts with a choir singing beautifully in the middle of the shopping mall.

This moved me a lot, because suddenly the choir brought such a beautiful mood to that ugly place. The mall, where consumerism and the biggest and best gift rule the holidays, was reminded of what Christmas actually is about: To be with the people you love and spend a good and peaceful time together.

I was haunted the past days, because this year I am not able to afford all these nice gifts I like to spoil my mum and my sister with. Instead I have to turn every penny and be quite creative with my gifts. And it made me feel bad. After seeing the video, I have changed my mood. So I am giving time this year, and love and improvement, instead of books, makeup and cloths.

Ok, just finished polishing my halo, now back to work.

Where is the love?

2010-12-08T00:41:00.000-08:00

This time of the year, a lot of people are talking about love and compassion. I will take this as a reason to quickly evaluate my love life. Super quick: basically non-existent.

A little bit more in detail: I have had boyfriends, some of them I deserved, some of them not. Today I am trying to keep in mind that I make my own choices and also that there is responsibility connected to it, so if I am dating a douchebag, it is my own fault. It practically reflects back on me, which enlarges my own douchebagness.

The chain goes like this: In high school I dated a couple of guys who were nice and sometimes a bit stupid, but still mostly nice.

The ultimate first big love came around when I was 21. I wanted to marry, have plenty of kinds, move to Africa with him and imagined that together we would save the world. After clinging too hard on him, he left me, which made me lose a lot of my love-self-confidence.

As a result, I wanted someone who would stick around and who would care about me one hundred percent. What I got was the most jealous and emotionally blackmailing dude on the planet. We moved in together after four months, I left three months later and there was no love-self-confidence back.

Then came the wonderful period of freedom. I dated a couple of guys, broke some hearts and had FUN! I underlined to everyone that I was emotionally stabbed and was unfit for a relationship.

In the end I still got into a relationship with a guy who was too awesome to not to be with. Unfortunately the knife was still stuck in my chest and I screwed it up.

Now I fled the country, live in a city with no meaningful male acquaintances and continue building up the courage to find Mr. Right.

Picture: Flickr

Jingle Bells Indian Style

2010-12-07T00:27:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my friend Leila, I got to know this super awesome song, which truely enhances my holiday mood:

With a wobble of my head, I say: Enjoy your day, Sir/ Madam!

Banana Traditions

2010-12-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

Today is the 6^th of December: Saint Nicholas Day!! As I learnt to love Christmas time, I also learned to love “Nikolaus”, as we call it in Germany. In my years abroad and amidst Internationals, I always tried to include as many people as possible in these celebrations. Today is the first time in nine years that I was at home at “Nikolaus”.

So here it, what happens at this day: Generally it is the celebration of Saint Nicholas, who kind of is the pre Coca Cola Santa. He actually helped the poor and is celebrated widely in countries like Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, Portugal, and many others. In Germany, we have to clean our winter boots at the night of the 5^th of December. If we do so, St. Nicholas will put candy and gifts in them during the night, if not (or if we put out bigger boots that are not our own), he will put coal into the boots. Actually my aunt Moni was punished with coal once, as she put out my grandpa’s rubber boots for St. Nicholas. It is a story widely known in our family, as you can imagine.

Normally, I put candy into the boots of my room mates, colleagues and friends, this year it was my mom. She got a rasp, but the reason for that she has to tell you yourself.

So, to all of you, who are not around this year, I am putting an imaginary piece of chocolate into your boots. Take care and eat it, before your hot feet melt it!

Picture: http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s242/Knuddelfussel/adventskalender/nikolaus_stiefel.gif

Goodwill or Stupidity?

2010-12-03T00:45:00.000-08:00

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin.

I am a pretty normal Western girl. I got a lot of education, I like to do read, party, jump, and be random with friends… I think you get the picture. My parents have the tendency to be a bit weird and hippy like. This way I had to renovate rooms, chop wood, wear weird cloths and hang out at punk concerts with my mom. So I have seen things.

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin.

This heritage, maybe also my provincial hometown, might explain why I fall for beggars of most kind. Every time I am in a bigger city, I give my change to strangers and in Berlin many of them are smelly and alcoholic.

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin.

Asia taught me a lesson about this. Especially in India I learnt that begging is a business. People make a living of it and they use your “pity” for their own advantage. In Asia my skin color showed people that I am supposedly rich. I learnt very fast that I did not want to give much to this business. I had this revelation of how you yourself are responsible for your own happiness and that this money does not do any good.

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin.

I rather would share my education and enable people to grow and get out of poverty. The beggars in Berlin live on the streets. They often do alcohol or drugs. Every year some of them die in the cold. So I am what is the best thing I could do? Give them my small change, which they could use on more alcohol? Buy their newspapers? Spend a day in a so-called soup kitchen?

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin. What’s your opinion or advice?

Picture Getty Images #81226846

You are the SECOND best! Woohoo!?

2010-12-02T05:54:00.000-08:00

Today is the second of December. I will use this opportunity to make a stand for the number two.

I do not know if you are, but I am the classical number two. I am mostly quite ok at what I do, I genereally get what I want if I work hard for it, but there will always be a number one somewhere around me. If it really comes to it, I am number two, a good number two, but not the first.

The good thing about it is the stress relief: Everybody will expect much more from number one than from me. I am there to help, when number one cannot handle all the pressure alone, but it is number one who will get the honor. But yea, the pressure is more on number one than on me.

On the other side: the saying goes, the second is also the first loser. True story. At the same time people will respect me for my effort and my enthusiasm and being number two is definitely better than being number 15 all of your life.

It is the same with the second of December. For those who celebrate Christmas and have Christmas calendars, the time before December is always full of excitement. The night before the first, kids and many grown ups get super excited, because they get to open the first door of their Christmas calendar. In the morning of the first of December, the quite cheap chocolate from the Christmas calendar melts on your tongue like a Belgium truffle. On the second December the excitement is still quite high, but on the 15th, it’s just the cheap chocolate. You eat it and that’s it.

So this is to all the number two’s: You are awesome! Be good at what you do and use your elbows if necessary – you deserve to be noticed!

I wish you many positive snow flakes and hot chocolate and a good book on this beautiful second of December!

Picture: Getty Images #103912286

...and forget her, too!?

2010-11-24T09:17:00.000-08:00

One of my most favorite songs right now is „F**k you“ by Ceelo Green. It’s one of these super awesome songs that makes you wanna dance every time you hear it, even at 6 in the morning. I love the irony and the honesty of the song and really think it speaks for a lot of people. Yes, sometimes you want to say that phrase to certain people and yes, they deserve it. I also deserve it most of the time, when someone dares to tell me to f**k off. It’s ok. I understand. So why the hack is the U.S. industry changing the song to “Forget you”? It changes the meaning of the song so immensely that I cannot stand it any more. Now I heard the censored version on a German radio station and hated it! We are allowed to play the nasty version, so do so!
So for all of you, who are into the real shit, here is the original version:

And I pitty the people whom even YouTube does not allow to play the version. It's too good!

My stomach is full, but my heart is empty.

2010-11-15T05:32:00.000-08:00

It’s been a while since I arrived in Berlin but it’s only recently that I went to my first concert in this awesome city.

One day, when I was feeling quite down, my sister played some old Manfred Krug songs to me. I loved it. And then my 60’s loving friend Sophia played Beatplanet, like she always does – and it was good. Because Beatplanet is a bit like Manfred Krug, just from today.

A member of Beatplanet has gone solo as Sven van Thom and together with Sophia I went to his show in Kulturfabrik. I loved the place, even if the music would have been bad, it would have been a great night as there was this intimate atmosphere, a small stage and a golden equin curtain. I totally loved the curtain! And the Martini Rosso - the red one. You know.

Luckily the music did not disappoint me, either. Seeing the guys on stage, there was one thing quite clear: they cannot not make music. It’s something they just have to do, despite the fact that the majority of the German music industry would not invest in this kind of music, as it is intelligent and sometimes challenging. You get the humor if you really listen; you get entertained if you get irony. They will not spill out love songs compatible for Bravo reading teen-agers, but for people who already have made their sometimes traumatic experiences with the other sex.

The night is worth remembering for the entertaining conversations between the songs, “Blockflöte” taking off his shirt and exposing his stomach, the attempt of making Sven’s hair moving with a hairdryer, the college block with handwritten songs in it, and all the beautiful people supporting Sven van Thom in his show.

Now I really need to see Beatplanet live. And I need to get to more Berlin like things.

Honey, shut up.

2010-11-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

So yea, sorry, my life is not very eventful these days. Not jetting around Europe, not traveling to any conferences, just commuting to and from work. BUT! On Thursday I will stay in the city to go with my friend Sophia to a concert of a German artist called Sven van Thom, which is not the point right now (but you can listen to the song, while reading the rest of my article).

The point is that when you are commuting, you meet the same people all the time. You just see them on the train, you (uhm… I) never actually talk to them, but their personality shows through their cloths and how they talk to other people.

Today I want to introduce you to some of my commuter “friends”:

Chemistry Guy
He is between 50 and 60 years old and I think the purpose of his life was to be in that age. He is the type of person who should just not have to go through the trouble of being young, because he was between 50 and 60 even when he was 16. I bet. He always wears green, beige, brown cloths and glasses and he never smiles, so his mouth hangs down a bit. He is a serious, very intellectual man, who reads Chemistry Today while he is commuting to his laboratory.

Fat Bank Guy
He always wears a black suit with a white shirt and a colorful tie. His eyes are piercing in different directions and he always seems quite happy. The fact that he lives in my village either means he is married (good for him!) or he still lives with his parents (which I think is the thing). Even though he is incredibly fat, he smells nice, which is rare, if you know what I mean.

Silent Guy
Even though he commutes with colleagues, he always sits by himself and reads English books, which is quite rare for a normal German middle-aged person. He puts a rubber band around the pages he has read, so he never loses track. I am a bit afraid of him. I think he is that type of person who always got teased. Some day he will snap and do something awful. I hope I am wrong.

Toad Woman
I really want to know how she looks without makeup. She is ugly, but she puts makeup on her face every day, like a mask. She also never smiles, which makes her colorful face seem extremely alien. She looks angry and disappointed, I would really like to know about what – probably life in general. Her expression reminds me of a toad – any minute her long tongue can come out and catch a fly.

And last but not least: Look Woman
I am known as a person who stares at people. Many a friend has told me to stop looking that obviously at someone. So this woman is I times ten. I look around at the station and my view slides over her silhouette and there they are – her piercing eyes, right into my soul! In a bad way! I look back at her, but she doesn’t look away. There is this unspoken rule that when you look at someone, it’s ok, as long as the person does not realize your look. As soon as the person looks back at you, you look away. The rule! To me she is the true evil behind an old woman’s façade.

I really hope, I soon find a place to stay in Berlin. Then I might even be able to introduce you to some new, real friends.

Reason 1: My Mom

2010-11-08T00:35:00.000-08:00

I will put it right out there for you to judge: I spent the weekend with my mom – and it was awesome. So now I am going to put down some reasons for why.

She let me sleep till late on Saturday, because I was working on a pitch all week. We also cleaned the house, so we could enjoy doing nothing. Also we went shopping in a construction market. We love to do that, cause we are always building something or planning to do so, so we need to prepare. My mom bought a stove on ebay the other day, and we need to put it in the kitchen. Also we went shopping for food. It feels awesome to buy these things, have all the stuff you like and still be happy about how cheap the shopping was. So as you might know, we decided to buy this incredible ice cream, which tastes like Ben and Jerry’s, it’s just cheaper and not so funky with the design. This meant we could not go to the cinema, which was the plan, but we chose the 3 buckets of ice cream over the movie. I mean it’s not often we stumble over that ice cream.

Yesterday she joined me for looking at some apartments in the city (aka. Berlin) and we got a bike at the Mauerpark. We also managed to pile up some wood and do some stuff in the garden. It is one of the best satisfactions I can get, when I help my mom. It means she does not have to do it and generally it’s work where you can see immediate results, like a pile of wood. If you have not tried this, do so. It really gives satisfaction.

So this morning I was late for my train. I was already a step out of the house, when it started to rain. I went back in and asked my mom to drive me. She was still in her pajamas, so she put on a skirt and a pullover over her pajamas. You could see it sticking out at all ends and she thought it was hilariously funny. She was laughing at half past seven in the morning and she made me laugh, too. This is the reason for why I wanted to go home: to have moments like that with my family.

Also, my mom likes to talk for animals. Here she would say: "Come on, give me food! Can't you see how hard I am working for this?"

Letzurama!

2010-11-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

The Anna and the Letzu are laughing while wearing hats.

So Letzu. How is this birthday thing going? Is it going to elevate every year and will be just more and more creative the more years pass by, the more our life barrel gets filled up? So this day was supposed to be a special day, even for me. I was supposed to be traveling to Zurich and not log on to Facebook and to forget your birthday. But because I am such a widely requested intern, our pitch for this huge condom brand cannot be done without me, so I have to stay in Berlin and prepare for a presentation. I log on to Facebook. I see that today is your birthday. And I think – “Crap! I haven’t pepared anything!” I will have to come up with something awesome in the course of the day.
The thing is I also had to come up with something awesome for the pitch. In this instant doubled awesomeness negated each other and only left space for one thing: the condom. Oh man. Oh MAN! Oh man. This sucks. And now I am almost crying while watching a Beyonce video on YouTube.
Ok, this is my virtual present for you. It’s the video that made me cry. So every time she says Tina (Turner), you have to imagine her saying Letzu.

I wish for you to get an awesome job in Copenhagen, to find an even more awesome room, but more importantly to flourish, develop, enjoy, create, and experience your new year in this world. You make it more beautiful and more worthwhile to be around, so I want to thank you for creating such a meaningful part of the world. I consider it one of the best things happening in the past years to have met you. Keep on being you, so intensely! Even though you don’t get my awesomeness today, you get all my love.

Brats and Prejudice

2010-10-21T00:35:00.000-07:00

I am a person with a lot of prejudices – especially when it comes to people I see on the street. I put them into boxes, judge them and imagine how their house looks.
So there is a category of German girls I call brats.It is really hard to translate, in Danish I would call them poptoes, in German I would call them Bratze. Their hair is mostly two colored and teased, their style goes three years back and they talk about boys, parties and their Facebook profile. They are somewhat ordinary, in a bad way.
Sometimes it’s fun to listen to their chats and think on the inside, I wish I was that stupid, then my life would be much more comfortable.

There is a band called Bratze. Thank you Google.

The other day one of these brats said to her friend: „I told my boyfriend that before we get married, I want us to write a letter to each other which tells how much we love each other and why. And if we ever have a huge fight, we will open them and remind each other of the reasons for our love.“ I think that’s sweet.

Everyone will at some point do something unexpected. I thank the world for that.

Getting up with the Sun

2010-10-14T00:27:00.000-07:00

These days I get up together with the sun. I climb out of bed into what seems to be deep night, but when I leave the shower, there are already some strays of light. By leaving the house, the world wakes up, the sun still hides behind the trees. On the train I see the fields, covered with fog and pink light waking up the birds and cows standing on dewy meadows. It’s this time of the year where you start freezing, take a hat and some gloves with you, when you leave the house. The higher it rises, the sun will warm up my homeland and the past two days, we had a clear blue sky during the day. It’s so nice to be home.

Where do you hide your dirt?

2010-10-13T00:11:00.000-07:00

Getty Images

On our last train ride in India, Lexi and I jumped screaming on the seats, because we saw mice runnung around the compartment. We were so nervous that everytime something moved on the floor, we shrieked. So this morning I was standing in Berlin, waiting for the underground to arrive when suddenly I saw a mouse on the tracks. I didn’t scream, it was far away.

Everytime you get too confortable in this clean and nicely organized world, something will show you that there are some dirty corners somewhere. To me, the Indians where more sincere with their dirt, they laughed at us, when we were jumping all hysterically. Had I asked the guy standing next to me this morning if he could also see the mouse, he would have said „Uhm, no.“ and turn his head away, cause no one wants to speak with the crazy lady.

Bad Luck

2010-10-12T00:52:00.000-07:00

There is a band called Bad Luck. I will try and listen today.

Yesterday I lived my new addiction on the train: Soduko. It catches me so much, that I forget time and space and just concentrate on the numbers. The result being, that I missed my stop, had to return to the orginal station and try and reach the next train. I failed. This resulted in me missing my hometrain by two minutes. The home train is a regional shuttle which only leaves every hour. I was freaking tired and angry, every minute is holy to me after work and spending it at a train station is really not what I had planned. So I did some slow motion food shopping, got a Döner Kebab for dinner and passed the rest of the time with Soduko. And thus I reached my village, got off the train only to notice that someone had stolen my bycicle. I go nuts! What have I done to be punished like this? It’s totally not fair. I walked home, called my mom and complained, she just said „It’s all gonna be alright“ – yea right. The walk home did me good, I liked the evening air and had the chance to reflect a bit. I hadn’t reflected for a while and it really made me see some things, I did not notice so far. So with all the bad luck and all the misery, I somehow managed to get something good out of it. I really wanted to be pissed off, now I am just tired, which is OK.

My safety moment

2010-10-07T01:00:00.000-07:00

source: getty images

This morning I left the house at 7:15 in order to catch the city train at 7:30. I am a trainee in Berlin now. My mom popped her head out of the small window above her bed in order to wave me goodbye and wish me a good day. I rang the bell on my bike and waved back at her.
In my family we like this ritual. It makes our world and life seem easy and good. A month ago it was me looking out of the window, hiding under my blanket again after my mom had disappeared behind the turn. I would catch another hour of sleep and then get to my calm and easy daily activities.
I can’t decide which part I like better.

And it goes up again!

2010-09-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

So there are days where I get all dramatic and cry out: “Oh evil world, I despise you and your trials!“ (see below) and then there are the other days, where I am working hard to get settled and make a good living, where I get excited about mails from friends, the beautiful agenda I made myself, or the trips to Berlin.

So yesterday I had such a trip. I was all excited, as I had my first job interview with a real company. It was really interesting to see how my preparations the day before helped and how I somehow did not need it at all. So even though I was quite nervous and didn’t do the awesomest job at selling myself, the boss liked me and offered me a 6 month traineeship at his company. The thing with me is that I have studied languages, but that I have developed a passion for branding and PR through the activities next to my studies. So now I want to work with that and not too much with my education background. I like that I dare to go that way and not the safe path and I like the whole development and self discovery part of it. And the company offers me a really interesting project to try out and expand my knowledge.

So of course, there is a dark side: these 6 months will be poorly paid and below what I need to survive in Berlin. It’s like that in Germany. Interns should be happy if they get paid at all. So the problem is: Should I continue to live with my mum and then do a job I would really like to try out, or should I find something else, maybe less attractive and earn more money?

What is great about these problems is that they trigger decisions and they are also a sign that things are moving. I am out of the blind way, I think I have never been stuck in it, but I was too impatient to arrive. It’s like traveling with an Indian train – eventually you will arrive - that is guaranteed, the rest is up to the gods.

The Hole

2010-09-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

It’s half past three in the afternoon, I just made myself a cup of tea and a plate with fruit and cookies. Sounds nice? It’s not! I am caught in this loneliness, producing self made agendas, spending my weekends with my mother and most of all feeling sorry for myself.

It’s now been 23 days back home and I am turning desperate. I feel like stuck in a time hole, while everybody, really EVERYBODY, seems to move on. There are days, where I cannot start hyper motivated at 9:00 am to apply for jobs, taking care of all the small things of my small life and then doing something pretty at 14:00 – waiting for my mom to come home, so I have someone to talk to. I’ve watched all my movies, sometimes twice, sometime trice.

So my day today started with checking my mail – no news. I checked FB, ok I got news, but they fed me for half an hour. I still got stuck for too long, looking at wedding pictures of people I barely know. And I found out that even the evil ex boyfriend has moved on. He, really an evil super baddy, has a girlfriend. What!?

This is the hole. The hole has greasy hair and no shampoo. The hole starts to smell under its armpits. The hole has food from yesterday for lunch. The hole does not have a nail file. The hole has slow internet, no TV, and only a limited amount of radio stations.

So I went to take a shower, made some tea and served myself some fruit and cookies. Breathe in, breathe out.

Picture: Solid-Caine-Stock "Hole" nohaycomolodeuno.blogspot.com/2009/02/hole.html

Don't look back in anger

2010-09-02T02:15:00.000-07:00

I am currently spending most of my time in my mum’s little house on the country side outside of Berlin. Sometimes I take the bike out to buy some butter, or go and scan something in the village copy shop. The highlights of my daily life are the trips to Berlin, where I mostly go to look at apartments.

What I spend my time on is the great activity of applying for jobs. I feared just to get started not knowing what even to put on my CV, or what to look for. I had to do it anyway, there was no way to procrastinate, as the internet is so slow that youtube is no fun, and yea, besides going to the bakery there is not much more to do here.

I made a CV that I liked and started looking for jobs. I started to stumble upon jobs and internships I really would like to do, so I started applying with passion. I just got started, so frustration is not too big, yet (not too many rejections).

I realized something today: What would I have done one year ago? Would I have had the same confidence to go job hunting? Would I have been able to capture my experience and put them on paper? I started to see how much I have developed the last year, how each success and each failure made me stronger and more capable for the situation I am in now.

So, as a side effect I miss my team. You can’t imagine how much we had to work and how much sweat and tears we invested into our projects – but you can also not imagine how much fun we had together and how close we knew each other by the end of the year. I watched the good bye video this morning, and I smiled. It’ll all go the way it’s supposed to go. Man! I have just returned from India where I visited some of my dearest friends. Nothing can go wrong.

Take a Rest and cut off the Past

2010-08-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

Whenever something ends and you start something new, there is a grey zone, it can be long, thick, sometimes you do not even feel it, because you don’t have the time to feel. This time I took my time for the grey zone. I prepared not to prepare for the next steps and suddenly I am caught in this mix of melancholy and urge to continue. I think that it is important that you finalize the last thoughts in your head, that you mentally finish what you have started some time back. The process of mentally finishing something takes sometimes longer than actually finishing it.

I ran away after my job in Copenhagen was done. I could not get on that plane fast enough, leaving all the stress and the pressure behind. Even though I went straight into a new adventure, I was caught up by my past in dreams. It would not let me slip as fast as I wanted it to go away. My subconscious was telling me that everything experienced had importance. It also showed me what I wanted more than other things. Slowly I stopped getting haunted in my dreams.

At the end of our trip, I went to the hairdresser and got my hair cut off. It is some kind of ritual I have, every time I open a new chapter in my life. It’s like cutting off everything that happened in the past and that held you back. It helps to start fresh.

I lived the adventure of the Asian subcontinent of India and came back home happy and exhausted. Now I started my next steps. It’s extremely exciting, looking for jobs and apartments; doing one thing, dreaming of another, not having a clue whether I will be able to afford anything. The grey zone gives you space to dream. Suddenly there appear goals and longings that did not have the space in past ventures. Now, finally, I am able to think big. I want to try out new things, stuff I have put off, because “I did not have the time”. So I am practicing the guitar, with slow progress. I will learn how to sew and I will make a calendar all by myself. Who knows, when more things are settled, I might even join a choir.

So here is one advice: Whenever you finish something big, take a rest in the grey zone and from there start out to your new ventures with a smile on your face.

P.S.: The hair:

Jaipur - Muditland

2010-08-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

After a nerve wracking trip to Mount Abu, with too much of monsoon rain and a crappy hotel, we arrived in Jaipur. Now we have reached the easy part of the trip, so I thought, as we from now on live with Indian friends of mine. Here in Jaipur, it's Mudit who picks us up from the train station.

When Mudit came to Denmark last year, it was me who taught him all about European culture and behaviour. I was so surprised when he asked me for anti bacterial soap (Dude! Evey soap is anti bacterial!), or did not know how to use a vacuum cleaner. He always took my food and laughed like a girl behind his hand, when something was funny.

Now it's him who knows how the world around works. For the first time we have the chance to see the country from behind a window, as we drive in Mudit's car. All the noise and smell is damped and we drive through the city like through a museum. It suddenly seems somehow ordered and makes some sense. When I'm out on the streets I am too aware of my bag and the traffic, here I get the chance to honk on everyone around.

I was not able to imagine where Mudit comes from. How does the Indian middle class live? Where does it start and where does it end? Mudit lives outside the city in a huge house, with a great staircase and so little furniture in it. His parents are loving, make a lot of food for us and just express their happiness for our visit. They asked, who of us is Anna and when I said it was me, they smiled, finally knowing who the friend was, Mudit told them about last year. It is eye opening to see how much they give for their son and how proud they are about his achievements. It is touching me to see how he takes care of them and how he translates, so we all understand each other. Finally, now that I see where he comes from, I understand Mudit. Friends just share things, that's why he always took my food and they help each other in every way possible.

Mudit is our proud guide showing us the many castles of Jaipur and other sights such as temples and museums. On the way in the car, he does not forget to mention that there is the hotel where he wants to get married and the other place is where men go for porn. The reason for why supermarkets are a failure in India, is that they are just too slow and don't get how to use a cash machine. Recently they prohibited the use of plastic bags in Rajastan, so you have to carry your shopping. It's stupid! Not the bags, the working culture in India!

I love to be here and see Jaipur through Mudits eyes. He is a friend to keep and Jaipur is a city to return to.

In India, the sun wears a moustache

2010-07-31T05:12:00.000-07:00

Currently Lexi and I are in Udaipur, one of the most beautiful cities we have seen in India so far. We enjoy our stay to the fullest and have even cancelled our trip to Jaisalmer, as we were too exhausted from our previous journey and wanted to relax a bit. So we did some beauty treatments, sight seeing and even made half a day of horseback riding through the nature surrounding Udaipur.

Udaipur’s rulers are said to be decedents from the sun, with the oldest ruling family in the world, ca. 1400 years. Udaipur is also famous for its miniature paintings and there are art schools scattered all around the old city, selling their art. We learned that the horse is the animal representing Udaipur stands for power, the Elephant from Jaipur stands for luck and the camel from Jaisalmer stands for love.

Normally when I travel I seek the hidden places, where locals thrive and I can discover something new. In India, you want to stay in the touristy areas, as everything else is too dangerous and dirty. I would never have thought that I would be so narrow minded, but men starring at me for too long in the streets and the traffic make me nervous.

So Lexi and I enjoy the touristy area of Udaipur with it’s different shops and restaurants. We have our rickshaw driver Jimmy (don’t ask me for his Hindi name) telling us that we bring good luck to the city as it rains regularly since we have arrived here. The rain fills up the lakes and makes the Lake Palace Hotel look like its floating in the water. There, the 80’s James Bond movie “Octopussy” was partly filmed, which everyone around you keeps telling. You can go to any restaurant in the night and watch the movie, which we find kind of funny. We imagine the waiters being able to recite every line of the movie, if they really have to witness it every night.

In Udaipur we are sourrounded by other foreigners. This is nice for a change, as we then are not like animals in the zoo with everyone staring too much at us. But two girls traveling alone is quite a bit to cope with for the men, even in Udaipur. Guys on bikes drive by and make cheesy compliments and the hotel owner is in love with Lexi whom he compares to Angelina Jolie. We managed to buy some clothes that cover us well, with long baggy pants and kurtis on top.

We both had our share of experience with the typical India diseases. After the diarrhea was gone, Lexi could enjoy all the food, while I am stuck with stomach pain every time I eat something not fluid. So on my menu are all kinds of Lassies and soups. At the same time I have to look at Lexi on the other side of the table eating delicious sandwiches, pancakes and Indian masalas.

Tomorrow we will continue to Mount Abu, the typical spot for people on a honey moon, so it’s perfect for Lexi and me :-)

Chelle Djao!

2010-07-26T03:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you have to tell people to back off. In Copenhagen, just before I left, we had some cultural sessions with the new team and we talked about how Danes always need their personal space. In India, this concept is completely unknown. You have to push people away, tell the beggars "chelle djao!" (Go away!), and make space on your bed in the train for families with their entire breed. That's just how it works. At times it makes me mad, especially without too much of rest. When I am in a good mood, I let people take as many pictures as they want, but after a night in the sleeper class without A\C, I am less keen on it. Today at the Taj Mahal, a young guy wanted a picture with us, we declined saying "We already got 1000 pictures taken today!". His answer: "OK Madam! 1001 for me!" Sorry dude, not gonna happen. So chelle djao everyone! After another night in sleeper we will be in Udaipur tomorrow and stay there a bit longer. After I had a shower, you can invade my personal space again.

Travel route so far: Dehli > Amritsar > Haridwar & Rishikesh > Agra. This country is so beautiful. We really loved the North!!

Discovering Beauty in a Shithole

2010-07-20T10:33:00.001-07:00

When I first travelled to Asia last year, I was expecting crowded streets, a lot of noise, poor people sleeping in the street and generally that poverty will be rubbed into your face, while shopping, while going to the museum, or just at a restaurant. Entering Kuala Lumpur, I was surprised by the clean streets and the western style of the city.

Now Delhi has completely fulfilled last year’s expectations. It’s dirty, it’s poor, it’s loud and full of people. My friend Mudit told me: “In India, everything is possible and nothing is possible!” That is the basic principle of the country. As soon as you can afford a fancy car, you can also afford a driver. If you’re a bicycle rickshaw driver, you’ll most probably sleep on it in the night.

So here are some impressions from my stay in Delhi: It’s like the city is planned by Europeans, there are big roads with markings, traffic lights, you can even rent a bike and drive around on it through the city. So on paper, everything looks fine. What the planners forgot over all the planning are the people and their heritage. The markings on the street are worth nothing, when you’re stuck in traffic in a motor rickshaw and have to make your way to the city center. Crossing the street even while the traffic light is green, can kill you, if you don’t look out. And the renting a bike thing must have been imported by a blind man. YOU CANNOT CROSS THE STREET!

I went here to see a complete different reality. I wanted to be shocked, so to say. In that way I am happy. It is like I expected and thus I cry out several times a day: “We’re in India Lexi!”, while Lexi just rolls her eyes and remarks “Really? Thank you for telling me.” We love exploring everything around us. We love the food (no diarrhea yet!), and all the friendly people. We try to laugh at those who want to take pictures of us and we carry a little towel with us to wipe off our sweat (if I don’t accidentally drop it in front of a public toilet!). Lexi can make a sweet human heart with her arms above her head, which looks great on pictures, and it is a personal highlight on our friendship discovery adventure. She can still see every mood written in my face, I can’t seem to hide myself from her, which is a good thing. So things worked out as planned. We landed in the shithole of Delhi, managed to discover some beauty in the chaos and are excited to continue our trip.

Some other highlights: meeting Tabs again – he is still damn funny and smart! There are not only cows on the street, but even more dogs, and also pigs. Poverty is like you see it on the pictures, just that you can also see behind the frame, and you can smell it as well. It’s hard for me to tackle, I have a slight tendency to panic.

Hope to be able to write more about our adventure. Tomorrow we will take a train (!) to Amritsar. I say good bye with a big woop woop! Hope you’re looking forward to our adventures as much as we are.

P.S.: On the picture: Indians love to take pictures with white people, here Lexi and I with a sweet couple we met at the place we stay.

Closer

2010-07-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

The other day I walked home to Babsi’s place, where I’m staying until Lexi and I leave for India. The sun was shining, and for Nordic conditions it was quite hot. In the spur of the moment, I took off my flip flops and walked the last 100 m barefoot. It was nice to feel the sun and the city.

Something I did not have before I went home where rituals that made me feel good. These small things you do to feel good. I was so absorbed by all the stress around me that I forgot how to get back on track emotionally. I was unable to disconnect and focus on the good around me. And now I am back to all the old patterns, not only from my side but also from the people around me.

I did not run for an entire week. I was sick and I was drunk and I did not get enough sleep. It’s quite hard to continue new good habits in the old environment. I just seem to lack that strength of will. But there are strings attached that help me stand up. I have Lexi and our travel plans, there is summer, and also the other friends around me. The problem is that they did not have one and a half month to disconnect and gather strength to continue, which makes me feel a bit lazy and also somehow uncomfortable.

Something I do every time I start something new is making resolutions about what kind of person I want to be in this new environment. Somehow I must have gotten off track this year, as my close friends from this experience reflect me as something I would never describe myself as. Is it really possible that I managed not to let anyone look behind my loud and sometimes eccentric surface? Was I so busy proving myself that I forgot to show myself to the right people?

Yesterday I suddenly landed in a totally uncomfortable situation. The only one who truly understood me without words was Lexi, the others were laughing and somehow confused. It’s these small moments, sometimes it’s just seconds, that make me think. What was I doing all this time? Sometimes I feel like regret, then I regret all the things I messed up. On stronger days I just tell myself: it’s ok, as long as you learned from it!

Today, I feel like the grey sky outside: colorless and regretful. I miss my family and would give a lot if I was able to just snap my fingers and go home to Germany for a few hours.

Good Byes suck

2010-06-14T11:32:00.001-07:00

It is hard to say good bye. I hate it, it always drags me into a hole, so when I can, I run from it. I just leave, thinking of people whom I love and who impress me.

Today I drove my sister to the train station. She is going for a qualifying exam to Kiel – she wants to study communication design and has worked and sacrificed a lot in order to be able to go there today. It is her life dream to get into that study program. She wants it so much that when she does not get in this time, she will try again in fall. I never had to fight that much for a thing I wanted. The difference is that I always did things I knew I somehow was good at in order not to have to face the critics. And sometimes I really screwed up, because what I thought was not true – even for me there were a lot of challenges hidden. If I lived my life with half the enthusiasm as my sister, I would be daredevil Nr. 1 climbing Mount Everest. Instead I will go on a one month holiday and the thing I am looking most forward to are the food, the coconuts and the trains. I prepared a lot for the trip I am going to have with my best friend. I will not climb Mount Everest, but for me it’s a big adventure.

So the good byes: Today I had to say good bye to my sister. Ever since she gave me a last kiss on the cheek I have been down and not able to move. I was stuck in this freaking sadness and tried to numb it, but even movies have a time limit. Soon, I will have to part with my mum and then I will return to the everlasting struggle in Denmark. I will celebrate my birthday without my family; going from one place to the other, because by the end of June I have to be out of my old room. Today it hurts, even though I am going to be super extra über excited when I hug my friends, who are in this country. It’s just not very easy to keep your family close when you live the life of a foreigner. I still have to learn that, even after 9 years of practice.

Some good things from my time at home:
On sunday we celebrated my not-birthday, as our family cannot meet, when it's actually happening. There was cake, and the Husiten Festspiele (some city festival) in Bernau. Here my sister and I on the gigant chairs.

Today I went bare foot from Jena to Berlin

2010-06-11T02:43:00.000-07:00

Today I went barefoot from Jena to Berlin. It’s different to walk through a city without your shoes on, because you can actually feel where you are walking. The senses become sharper, you notice the details. Jena is the city with second most sunshine in Germany, right after Freiburg. I went there for the first time in my life to chair the elections of AIESEC in Jena, which was a big pleasure with bright people and a memorable party in the end. Even though I fell asleep on Ariane’s futon at 5 in the morning and got up only five hours later I was filled with energy and the feeling of excitement of the day to come. Today I met my friend Siegfried, who studies in Jena. We were sitting in the shadow of a tree in a nice pub and just cached up with each others stories. We drank some Radler and had fries in the heat that made everyone move slowly. The heat followed me to Berlin and home. It’s summer in Germany and I feel incredibly home in this country. Everything tastes like childhood and I see sense and beauty all around. I can actually imagine living here. I mean today, at this point of time, I could imagine to live here, who knows what will happen a year from now.

This return home has been the best decision made in a very long time. I had the chance to arrive at myself.

I thought I was done. I really thought I should stop living the life I was living so far. I wanted to stop, give up and sit in a therapy chair three times a week, for 3 years. Luckily I had the chance to have conversations with new and old friends not about myself or my problems, but about life and dreams. That’s when I saw that I cannot stop the life I have built the last few years. I gave a lot of myself in the process, that’s true, but I gained so much. I just did not have the chance to collect all the impressions and make sense of them. I needed some distance from all the fuss, all the pressure and expectations in order to find out that it’s me who decides whether I’m happy or not.

So I started to play the guitar. My mum is horribly happy, as I’m the only one in the family who never learned how to play an instrument. She and my sister teach me and I can already play three songs and am learning a new one now. I also spent 130€ on running shoes. I have to write how much they were, as I have never spent that much on anything to wear. It’s crazy! But it’s for me and I am earning the shoes by running 4,5 kilometers every second day. I read the 7th Harry Potter book in German and was surprised by the simplicity and non-magic of the book. I spent time with my sister and my mum, I ate ice cream and a Döner. And if we go to the cinema to watch a dubbed blockbuster, I’ll be happy to return to Copenhagen.

Next year will be as planned: no plans! Well now I have some small ones, I will move to Berlin after my return from India and find a job. Just to earn money. And then I will go on an internship in some crazy country. I like it.

Banana Diary #1

2010-05-18T06:34:00.000-07:00

Why do I have to make such large parts of my life public? After I have decided to head home and leave my job and my friends in Copenhagen I have decided to follow my progress in a video diary. Maybe I just enjoy people looking at me, but I keep telling myself that my sharing could help other people. Also I get the chance to tell my friends what is going on in my life. I am still working on making it a bit exciting, but it’s limited how an emotional banana can be exciting. You know what I mean. Well, the decision making the videos public took over a week, so here is my first part of the diary, which will be closely followed by the second part, after I finished editing it.
Big hugs to you all!

The Maltese Touch

2010-03-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

So Nithya, my new friend, asked me to update my blog. I can see that I trashed my blog a bit, posting videos, cause it was fast. I need some consulting regarding blogs, because I don’t dare to be completely honest, keeping the audience too much in mind and not revealing what I really feel. Why have I started to blog, because I thought that it was important to report what I do, because I knew I would travel and have some exciting experiences. But then I started this journey and did not take time to reflect, I did not take time to breath and I did not take time to tell you my story. So let’s forget the filter and just start telling what’s going on in my life. What happened in the last nine months that made me the person I am today?

Picture: me, recently. Outside has not changed that much.

Malta

We’re in Malta, bitch! You should listen to that song and you’d know how my experience on Malta was: truly AWESOME!

Before I went I was nervous and excited, I didn’t think I would be able to live the experience of being able to facilitate on an international AIESEC conference. One of the coolest thing I did in AIESEC is being a trainer and working together with people who want to learn and develop. Why was I nervous? Because this year has shown me one big thing: my strengths and weaknesses. Wanna know my strengths? I am creative, innovative, inquiring, curious, organized, and open. My weakness? I lose interest very easily, I do not believe in myself, I can be messy, and I have mood swings. What I hate most right now is my insecurity.
So I was nervous, about working with a new group of people. I am always afraid to be the odd one, the one not being part of the group. I arrived in Malta and that feeling did not slip. It was a hard time to get through the pre-meeting of the conference, but it was good and important, cause I learned so much about myself. I felt a bit like an outsider, but in the long round I found out that most of that feeling was created by myself and my self doubt.
This is Malta (and my current desk top background):

So how could you not be happy on that island? The conference itself was one of the best experiences I ever had in AIESEC. It was like the perfect circle closing: my first international conference was in Belgium in 2006. There, I realized, I wanted to do certain leadership positions on a local level, do at least one national leadership role, be a facilitator and then facilitate at an international conference. Today I can say that I achieved all these goals! Also, this conference had precisely the same profile as the one I attended in Belgium 4 years ago. This fact gave me huge inspiration and motivation to perform 110%. The result was an awesome group experience with the group I coached for two entire days. Each individual made the experience crazy unique for all of us and every member of the group inspired me to strive for something real. I was also able to connect with much more people that I usually do. I was really out there, a real part of the conference and that made me very proud.

My homegroup and my faci team:

And after the conference? I saw Malta! Such a beautiful island. It has a very rich cultural heritage raging from the crusades and the knights to several occupations. Most importantly I was able to spend time with some beautiful individuals. I spent a lot of my last day with Ana from Colombia. She knew everything about the island, the history and the buildings. We had real eye opening conversations, because we are so different and so much the same at the same time. She helped me see what it is I want to do next and helped me believe in my idea. In the end of the trip I also had the chance to connect to Nithya. My insecure side made me believe that she did not like me in the beginning, but our conversations during the last night really made me change my opinion. It’s crazy how people can be so positive and lively even when life tests them. I love the kind of conversations I had with her and I hope I’ll meet you again someday dear Nithya! Other people that greatly inspired me were the Danish delegation who kept a great spirit throughout the whole conference. Thank you so much for all the energy you all gave me!

Prague

This trip was meant as team days for the national board of AIESEC Denmark. Going to Prague is always great, because after London it is one of the cities I want to return to. The city was beautiful, the sky was blue, the food was great. In order to write about the whole experience, I need to come home, really home. I will leave home to my mum tomorrow and rest for the first time in a really long period. There, I will be able to tell how Prague was. But I have a pretty picture:

So make me write and remind me to write and maybe one day I will do it without someone asking me to.

The Danish MC at AIESEC International Congress 2009

2009-09-08T02:48:00.000-07:00

AIESEC International Congress Malaysia - first impressions!

2009-08-23T01:04:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I have never been outside Europe. I have been to the Black Sea in Romania, but that's it. I did not get more far away. Recently, AIESEC gave me the opportunity to visit another continent and I am currently writing from the Palace of the Golden Horses in Malaysia.
Together with my team I made a trip where the adventure already started during the journey as we had visa challenges, traveling through Bangkok and our team faced major frustration about the way things were managed. I realized how privileged I am as a European. I can travel wherever I want and can get a visa for some weeks just because I want.
Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia is one of the few cities I have been to that has a lot of sky scrapers. It is known for the PETRONAS Towers, some of the highest buildings in the world. I have seen them, I took a picture. I have also been to the Bantu Caves a little bit outside of KL. That's when it hit me that I am actually on another continent. The caves are host to temples, monkeys and doves. You recognize it fast by the giant statue of a god with its golden color shining in the burning sun. You climb stairs into the sky and enter the cave with extremely high walls and a glimpse of the sky in the background. Monkeys eat coconuts; monks give you prayers and mark you with dots on your forehead. The temples are Hindi from south Indian culture. And having two Indians in my team, we had extremely good guidance through the experience. Result: I want to go to India! The food, the people, the culture is something that I really want to experience closer.
Right now I am thrown into a melting pot of people from all over the world. The AIESEC International Congress has started yesterday and I am already facing a major sleep deprivation. The thing is that we had a pre-meeting before the actual congress where we prepared for what was going to happen. These 9 days are the most valid days as preparation for our year ahead, as we have the global leadership collected in one place. Here I have the chance to meet AIESEC'ers from truly all over the world. I am currently sitting in a room with over 100 nationalities. The vibrant energy in the room is slapping you in the face at times and it is fascinating to see how many of these people I actually have met before. We are all connected and if we do not know each other directly one of our friends does and that's what makes it so unique. We are all connected by a thing called AIESEC. We had a global village, open to public, where every culture was present, we had a fascinating opening ceremony with taste of Malaysian culture. Today, we started the content delivery and included over 700 virtual delegates joining us from all over the world. Right now we discuss leadership and in what way AIESEC is a leadership organization. For me AIESEC is the people and opportunities it offers. That's what makes it a leadership organization? People continue beyond their AIESEC experience to have a positive impact in society. We actually do something about the issues around us and it is incredible to see how many excellent people are gathered under the same cause.

Recruitment in Denmark

2009-08-12T05:42:00.001-07:00

My Personality

2009-08-04T00:46:00.000-07:00

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

Copenhagen moves me!

2009-07-15T01:13:00.001-07:00

I am done with my studies. Let me think… yes, I have attended institutions of education for 17 years. I am 24 today, so I have spent more than two thirds – almost three quarters of my life studying. Maybe you can imagine the feeling I have now that I know that I am most probably done with it. I enjoyed the ride, it was exciting and fun, but I am ready to try out a new rollercoaster. Every time people ask me how I am lately I have to say: “I am good! I am free!”

I started my new job as Member Committee Vice President of External Relations for AIESEC Denmark. A title that fills a whole line of my entry and is not sexy to use in bed. Trust me, it’s not! I work with sales and external communication of our organizations’ activities. People expect me to get national partnerships, have cool companies attend our national conferences, train the sales people in the local offices and a lot of other things. I was scared a lot before I started to work and wondered about all the worst case scenarios which suddenly popped up in my head. Now I am here, doing the job, learning a lot from my predecessor and calling companies to book meetings. I have a sweet boss, which is great. In my last position in AIESEC, I was the boss and it is nice to have someone above you for a change.

For my new job I moved to Copenhagen, the biggest city in Denmark, but honestly, when you are here, it seems like a collection of a bunch of smaller typical Danish cities with a couple of highways in between. On my way to work, I pass cows, hosted by some kind of scientific institute and I barely bike on the bigger streets, as there is a fine system of bicycle paths. I bike everywhere, and I also use my creepy helmet, after all I am biking in a bigger city.

There is but a few things I am not satisfied with, yet. I dreamed of coming to Copenhagen and be the best version of me. I always make these plans when I start something new. I am not eating healthy and way too much out of the house. I do not prepare lunch packages and eat instant noodles instead. My membership in Fitness World is still paid for, I just do not go there. And last but not least, my room is a mess. I need to focus a little bit more on my personal health, I can feel that I get tired fast and my energy level is low at times and sleep doesn’t really help right now. I got to move it – move it a bit more often and eat something with real vitamins. I have to spend some quality time with myself. And drink more water!

In general life is great! I am free!

Pictures:
1. crossing the Big Belt Bridge on our way from Funen to Sealand when I moved.
2. The Play Doh man I created during transition.
3. A sqare in Copenhagen City.

Love your family!

2009-07-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

My discovery of vblogging!

2009-06-21T05:35:00.000-07:00

Today is a weird day. It's raining outside and I am in this crazy excited mood, where I am not able to actually do something constructive. So I am procrastinating in an innovative way, as I am not doing what I am supposed to, like packing my stuff for moving, but I let my inspiration boil in my mind about my next steps in AIESEC until they are ready to get out to the world. The soundtrack of my thoughts is still Emilia Torrini with "Big Jumps". I just talked to Fernando, my local vice president of finance and very good friend, and he told me he just has created a blog himself. He wanted me to take a look, it was not at all finished, but he posted his two favorite youtube videos, which he had shown me quite a couple of times before. As I am in the not-packing-inspiration mood, I watched them again and landed on an one hour lecture of Michael Wesch, a professor in anthropology. He gave an anthropological introduction to youtube. This is especially interesting for me, as I study this kind and it made me think about the possibilities connected to the online world out there. I am not a computer minded person at all, but I really think that if we use this space in a smart way, we really can have an impact. AIESEC International created a path to this mindset, now we just have to grab the opportunities and use them in a creative manner. One thing: It is actually possible to have a vivid communication with my local External Relations responsibles, if they actively participate in it. Second thing: Why the hack to we still waste time on approaching conservative media like newspapers and TV, which is quite expensive, and actually use online spaces instead. Come on! So, the thing is that I created a google group and invited all new ER's to it, but nobody responded. WELL! Now, I am going to post a video on this beautiful group and make them start communicating with me and each other. This is the result. I am now officially out there. With my face, poking my ear while I talk, have a stupid hair thing in my face and do what I am best at, babbling about what I think. It actually takes me like 3 minutes to end my speech, I am not able to say: "That's it! Good bye!" But bare with me, it is an authentic picture of Anna Banana on a Sunday afternoon, getting all proactive and inspired :-)

Ok, so here is the video that really inspired me:

And this is my proactive reaction to it:

Terror, Excitement, Stress!

2009-06-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

In two weeks, I'll start my term as Member Committee Vice President of External Relations. The past twoo weeks, I have struggled to finish my Bachelor degree more or less successfull and now all I have to do is wait for the results of my final exams. But fortunately I do not really have time to think of all this, as everything is kind of culminating right now. It seems like a wave of four years in Odense is dashing over me and all I can feel in my stomach are a million butterflies, because everybody, EVERYBODY!, I meet is happy and friendly and somehow the city of Odense says "Goodbye! It was cool having you here. Please come back some day and enjoy your time inbetween!". And I say thank you, Odense and "Hello Copenhagen!". This weekend I have to pack and sort out what I want to take with me to that tiny room in Frederiksberg, where my dearest friend Alenxandra will live just a room away and we'll support each other, have fun and talk all night, like we used to. Next week, my mom will come and help me move, she will also be there for my birthday. I really do not know when to say goodbye to anyone, when to thank all the nice people for all the things they have done. I really feel blessed with everything happening right now and I hope this feeling will last for a while. I know, the next year will show me yet unknown challenges, but it'll all be good, because I will go out stronger than before. And, last but not least, I can hope for going to Malaysia for the AIESEC International Congress, the biggest conference a year, with people from the whole world, really! Life is exciting. I hope to be able to share as much as possible.

And why am I doing this?

2009-06-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

While travelling through the wide universe of cyberspace instead of working on my project, I have found this amazing song and video from Emilia Torrini. It's really worth sharing and I hope it makes you as happy as it made me. Sunshine greetings!

The Fountain

2009-06-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, before I start watching the making of this amazing film, I have to share how amazing it is. I bought the DVD ages ago after I have seen it once and was truly touched by the story. It was clear that I had to see the film more than once in order to understand it completely, so when I saw the DVD I just bought it. And there it was, staring at me whenever I looked for a movie to watch, but the mood was never right, I was afraid of getting my excitement of the film destroyed, so it waited until tonight. I finally picked it and was, as I mentioned, amazed. I still have to figure out the message completely (making of!), but I think you should definitily watch the trailer and soon the movie. And again it becomes clear: I need a basic introduction into philosophy. Any book at hand?

London

2009-06-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

OK, I've been to London, which probably also has a quite big share of feeling alive, mentioned in my post before. It was an amazingly motivating trip. London is THE place to go alone, I can only recommend it to the rest of the world, as there is something to see and be for every type of person. There are only a few people I want to share this amazing city with (Henni!) and they have to be able to stay away from some shop-aholical behaviors. Instead they should wear good walking shoes and be ready to visit museums, theaters, and bookstores. Of course I had to do a bit of work, but I still managed to see a couple of nice places. Like Portobello Road, where I have not been since I was 14.
Before I had to leave I rushed to my favorite place in London, the National Gally and spent some minutes looking at Van Gogh and Degas, especially "La Coiffure", which I would love to have as a poster in my room. The atmosphere of the city was great and I hope to remember the small boy I saw, running around in Hide Park dressed in some kind of animal suit, as well as the cute pizza place, where I had a great lunch. And I regret not to have given some money to the disgusting, smelling soldier, who was wearing bandages on his feet and had burn marks all over his face. Why couldn't I jump over my own shadow? And next time I visit London, I have to see a play at "The Globe", a reconstruction of the theatre Shakespeare used to launch his plays.
Next to the more tourist parts of the city, I had to attend the AIESEC Western Europe and Northern American External Relations Summit, shortly the WENA ER summit, which sounds quite fancy, but was actually very informative and interesting, and I learned a lot. We were about 20 people from all over Europe who discussed the direction of our sales strategy next year and who tried to prepare for the next term and learned from the current Vice Presidents how to create results in our area. The people I met were amazing and the thing I am most happy about is the network we are building up, it looks like we are going to stay in contact during our term and help each other with problems only we can really understand. I have to admit: I am so looking forward to getting started. Thank you for the inspiration and encouragement!

Becoming who you are

2009-06-03T11:38:00.000-07:00

You know, I started this blog out of some reflex that hit me when I was beginning to think a lot about the sense of my current affairs and thoughts. I'm not a person who puts everything in her blog in order to spam the world with gimmicks she found on her internet journeys and therefore I write down my thoughts here once in a while, without trying to create a great piece of art.
Some habits can be dangerous and a blog can help you to stay awake and make conscious decisions, because you have the chance to reflect and get input from others at the same time. I caught myself in following a flow of actions and events just dropping into new tasks and roles, because they seemed interesting for a couple of minutes and then I suddenly wake up, look around me and wonder where I am heading. My original goal seems quite far away sometimes, so I take the time now to create my life consciously. The more I look around me and started the process of looking behind habits, I feel a huge urge for some kind of philosophy book, which introduces me into the basic patterns of human reasoning. At the same time I began to define what I support around me and which actions I want to stay out of. And somehow I became more happy. I know what to fight for, what to be passionate about and this gives me a sense of safety I have been looking for.
Part of my self-defining process included the question if my involvement in AIESEC is something that helps me achieving the goals I have and to become the person that I want to be. I have realized that the organization needs people like me, because we look out for the right direction and question habits. There will always be people who think certain actions are ok, that the goal should justify the means, and if everyone just nods, we lose track. AIESEC is a great way to discover what you are good at, and where not and also to find out, where you want to go. And no, I do not want to work with some brainless big shot company. Never ever, but I want to learn how to organize myself and others, to achieve a different goal than profit. And yes, AIESEC is the right place to be for me right now. I consider to apply for the Ethics subcommittee, maybe I can contribute a bit there.
I do not know if it is summer or just me, but I am less afraid, more open and see more positive things around, which I would generally see as quite positive. It's good to feel alive.

Procastination and Enlightment!

2009-05-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

Do I make a differnce in this world?

2009-05-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

Today I have been to the cinema and watched ”Baader-Meinhof Complex”, a story about German terrorists who created the RAF. They killed and where killed, took hostages, robbed banks, organized several bomb attacks and had major media appearances whenever they caused trouble. I am a pacifist, which means that I do not support any action connected to violence. Still, movies like this one make me think about the thin line of opposition behavior. I understand their rage, even though I do not support their actions.

One of the things that impresses me is the fact that the RAF had quite a lot of female members who fought equally with men. When I see women in my age, a lot of them are only concerned about their outer appearance and not what is inside their heads. They care about fashion, soap operas and their social connections. Who made out with whom at the last party, how many pages did we have to work through in our last class, and who’s boyfriend has just cheated? I don’t care. Where are the ideals gone women fought for in the last century? Today’s western female takes history’s achievements for granted and rests on the rights that where achieved so long ago. When you look at the election in the USA, people had to chose between a “colored” and a female candidate for the Liberals. The people chose the man, I support Obama, don’t get me wrong, I just want to underline that women have a long way to go. I am disgusted by drunken girls, who barely wear anything and then show off their independence, while they go home with some random boy. I doubt that this is the kind of emancipation I want.

The second thing, I began to think about, are the scenarios these people made about the future: we will live in a police state, media will dictate our lives, we will be animated to consume as much as possible, while the imbalance becomes bigger and bigger, and people in other parts of the world have to receive the consequences of our luxury world. Take a look into our current society. I grew up with stories of my parents and what they did while they were young and at the university. They reflected about their society and discussed alternatives to their way of life. They taught me that young people are the ones to make a difference, with their ideals of a reality they want to live in. This was one of the reasons why I was so eager to enter the university. I got incredibly disappointed of how life as a student looks today. In our Bachelor/ Master system we are forced to study as focused and fast as possible. Instead of an universal education, are we now faced with specialized study lines. We have to get prepared for our working life in which we need to perform and create growth, this is the only goal now. People are not encouraged any longer to reflect on their society, they also do not find the motivation themselves. They are overwhelmed with media everywhere which tells them about what happens in the world and which threats there are. Today it is alternative to use an Apple computer instead of the Microsoft supporters. We show what we are and what we stand for through consuming and there are but little groups who resist against this. I can see the effects of this consuming society on myself: instead of reading a book, I watch TV, I already think about which new mobile I will choose in August and I want to have green sneakers that would fit this one skirt of mine perfectly. I am impressed about the great apartment I will move into in Copenhagen and its super huge plasma TV. In moments like this right now, where I see clear, what I am doing wrong, I regret the above mentioned actions. These are moments where I want to quit everything, move to some crappy apartment in Berlin and write the books I have in my head.

Now you might ask yourself, why I am doing the things I do. Why am I not participating in demonstrations against G8 or chain myself on rail tracks to stop the transport of atomic waste? My problem there is that I cannot really see results, the influence is too little. Instead I am part of AIESEC, whose vision is “peace and fulfillment of humans kind potential”. If we enabled people around the world in every part of society to unfold their potential, I believe we can create peace and a better world. What I do not support with AIESEC are some of the organizations we work with and how we thus compromise our vision. I do not think that companies like Unilever create peace, they create capital. That’s all. They want success and attract people who want success. This success is only reserved for the best, for the privileged and does not support fulfillment of human’s kind potential. And members of AIESEC participate in huge G8 like assemblies of students because they think that this creates more chances for other people. The reason why many companies engage socially is first and foremost their own monetary growth and not because they want to make a difference. And this is why I am skeptical toward all this growth talk I mentioned in my last entry. AIESEC for me has the ideal ground for reflecting about the world we live in and a lot of organizations we corporate with are great. I sometimes ask myself if I am doing the right thing, being a member of AIESEC, but when I meet people that inspire me and support my thoughts, I get reassured. It is up to us what we make out of our experience and mine will be to enable and inspire people to make a difference. I think I have found my way to have this impact: words.

Watch Der Baader Meinhof Komplex Film Trailer in Zeichentrick | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Is growth equal to success?

2009-05-04T05:40:00.000-07:00

Right now I am sitting at the AIESEC office down in the dungeons of my university and trying to concentrate on my assignment I have to hand in next week, a crucial key to my Bachelor degree. Unfortunately, I do not really know how to grasp the assignment, yet. So I am currently faced with a black out.
I am going to use my empty brain to reflect on a theme I have spent some thoughts on already, but never really let them out on paper. Firstly I do not think that I am a very educated person when it comes to economy or social systems, but I still care about the use of the term "growth". I mean, I am a linguist and words are my business, especially the understanding of these. Do you remember the last time you used the term "growth"? You grow as a person, your fortune may grow, an economy should grow. Growth is seen as a positive movement, the bigger the better.
I come from an organization, where a lot of success is measured in growth, but where personal development is a key learning experience. If our exchange rates grow, we must be doing good and if we grow fast, it seems even better. At the same time I hear stories of people going to another country to work, who do not get an apartment directly, whose job description is very different from the actual work they are doing. Would it be better to deliver less life changing experiences with a higher quality? We are working hard on delivering quality and grow at the same time, and I suppose it is similar in most other organizations.
Personally I want to grow in this fluffy hard to measure way, I want to evolve into a person with a positive impact in the world. But at the same time I think that this urge to grow makes us western people greedy and in want for more. Do we really have to choose between so many options? Growth is perceived negatively when it comes to diseases, cancer that grows is a bad sign. Here, shrinking is the desire of both patient and doctor.
Last week I have been to a conference, where a lot of Danish business hot shots where present and the theme of the day was "How to use the Financial Crisis in a positive Manner". One of the key speakers was the HR director of Roskilde Bank, Søren Enggaard. The bank was worst hit by the financial crisis, no one even wanted to buy it. They struggled their way onto secure ground by firing a lot of staff and getting bought in the end by three other Danish banks. The task of the current staff is to try and make as little loss as possible and prepare the organization to be handed over by 2012. Søren Enggaard said that this was the most exciting work experience he ever had. His bank has now costumers who also are hard beaten by the crises and growth is not their goal at all.
In times like these we are facing new challenges. Generally the western countries do not grow in population (just another success factor), this is achieved by immigration. On a global level, world population grows massively and especially in countries who do not have the resources to feed all their inhabitants. With the current perception of growth, only a small part of this world is able to enjoy luxuries like education, electricity and food. We need to redefine what success means to us and if growth has to be connected to us as individuals, organizations, or countries. What if my work in Denmark would be able to create growth in Gambia? Success should be accessible to more than the current small elite, because there are great minds out there with the ability to change the world, but with the lack of resources.
Personally, I do not want my growth to cause reduction in other parts of the world, and if that means that I have to pay three times the price for a banana, I would be happy to do so.

A sunny day in Odense

2009-04-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

So I am in Odense, finally, after a long period of busy participation in family and AIESEC activities. In fact, last night was the first night in several weeks that I've slept in my bed. I used the past two days to recharge my energy, tidy up my room (what a mess!), meet my friends and think about myself for once. That was great! That was neccessary! I bought new clothes, all on sale of course and I drank beers with Mette. Besides that I did some work, that was waiting for me and started to eat normal food again. I had the tendency to grap some fast food during my busy time away from Odense and that vane I really want to keep away from.

In fact I have made a promise to myself. When I move to Copenhagen and start my new position in AIESEC, I want to exercise regularly and do something for my body. I have learned, that body and soul are close together, so for me regular, healthy food, tidy sourroundings and physical exercise are the keys to happiness. So my brain has realized all this, but I am not acting on it. And why the hell should I wait for Cph to beginn with it? There is no reasonable answer which is why I started Tuesday. Yes! I went out for a run. I sucked. For real. Alexandra, my best friend calls me thin-fed: I am thin on the outside and fed on the inside. And she is right. But I am going to change all this. So today I continued and worked out - BEFORE BREAKFAST! I went on youtube for some advice video inspiration and rocked the floor! You can imagine me going up and down the stairs of my apartment? With this look of surpressed pain on my face? Yea, my ass, my stomach and my legs hurt, but I am going to continue.

Please find below the activities I enjoyed since January, just to keep you on track :-)

In January I got elected into the National Board of AIESEC Denmark to work with External Relations from July 09 to June 10, which will be pretty exiting.

In March I have been to EuroXpro in Romania, an international AIESEC conference, where I met people from 38 countries. Together we talked about strategies for 09.10 and evaluated the current state of our organisation.

For Easter I went home to my mum's new house. My sister came, too, and the three of us had a really good and sunny time. Here you see the two, while we are out eating in an African restaurant in Berlin.

Last weekend it was my third time to facilitate at a national AIESEC conference. It was an amazing experience and I am looking forward to be a part of planning the conferences for AIESEC in Denmark next year, well the external part ;-)

On the picture you see the incredible delegation from SDU (Southern University of Denmark).