Where is the love?

This time of the year, a lot of people are talking about love and compassion. I will take this as a reason to quickly evaluate my love life. Super quick: basically non-existent.

A little bit more in detail: I have had boyfriends, some of them I deserved, some of them not. Today I am trying to keep in mind that I make my own choices and also that there is responsibility connected to it, so if I am dating a douchebag, it is my own fault. It practically reflects back on me, which enlarges my own douchebagness.

The chain goes like this: In high school I dated a couple of guys who were nice and sometimes a bit stupid, but still mostly nice.

The ultimate first big love came around when I was 21. I wanted to marry, have plenty of kinds, move to Africa with him and imagined that together we would save the world. After clinging too hard on him, he left me, which made me lose a lot of my love-self-confidence.

As a result, I wanted someone who would stick around and who would care about me one hundred percent. What I got was the most jealous and emotionally blackmailing dude on the planet. We moved in together after four months, I left three months later and there was no love-self-confidence back.

Then came the wonderful period of freedom. I dated a couple of guys, broke some hearts and had FUN! I underlined to everyone that I was emotionally stabbed and was unfit for a relationship.

In the end I still got into a relationship with a guy who was too awesome to not to be with. Unfortunately the knife was still stuck in my chest and I screwed it up.

Now I fled the country, live in a city with no meaningful male acquaintances and continue building up the courage to find Mr. Right.

Picture: Flickr