Take a Rest and cut off the Past

Whenever something ends and you start something new, there is a grey zone, it can be long, thick, sometimes you do not even feel it, because you don’t have the time to feel. This time I took my time for the grey zone. I prepared not to prepare for the next steps and suddenly I am caught in this mix of melancholy and urge to continue. I think that it is important that you finalize the last thoughts in your head, that you mentally finish what you have started some time back. The process of mentally finishing something takes sometimes longer than actually finishing it.

I ran away after my job in Copenhagen was done. I could not get on that plane fast enough, leaving all the stress and the pressure behind. Even though I went straight into a new adventure, I was caught up by my past in dreams. It would not let me slip as fast as I wanted it to go away. My subconscious was telling me that everything experienced had importance. It also showed me what I wanted more than other things. Slowly I stopped getting haunted in my dreams.

At the end of our trip, I went to the hairdresser and got my hair cut off. It is some kind of ritual I have, every time I open a new chapter in my life. It’s like cutting off everything that happened in the past and that held you back. It helps to start fresh.

I lived the adventure of the Asian subcontinent of India and came back home happy and exhausted. Now I started my next steps. It’s extremely exciting, looking for jobs and apartments; doing one thing, dreaming of another, not having a clue whether I will be able to afford anything. The grey zone gives you space to dream. Suddenly there appear goals and longings that did not have the space in past ventures. Now, finally, I am able to think big. I want to try out new things, stuff I have put off, because “I did not have the time”. So I am practicing the guitar, with slow progress. I will learn how to sew and I will make a calendar all by myself. Who knows, when more things are settled, I might even join a choir.

So here is one advice: Whenever you finish something big, take a rest in the grey zone and from there start out to your new ventures with a smile on your face.

P.S.: The hair:

Jaipur - Muditland

After a nerve wracking trip to Mount Abu, with too much of monsoon rain and a crappy hotel, we arrived in Jaipur. Now we have reached the easy part of the trip, so I thought, as we from now on live with Indian friends of mine. Here in Jaipur, it's Mudit who picks us up from the train station.

When Mudit came to Denmark last year, it was me who taught him all about European culture and behaviour. I was so surprised when he asked me for anti bacterial soap (Dude! Evey soap is anti bacterial!), or did not know how to use a vacuum cleaner. He always took my food and laughed like a girl behind his hand, when something was funny.

Now it's him who knows how the world around works. For the first time we have the chance to see the country from behind a window, as we drive in Mudit's car. All the noise and smell is damped and we drive through the city like through a museum. It suddenly seems somehow ordered and makes some sense. When I'm out on the streets I am too aware of my bag and the traffic, here I get the chance to honk on everyone around.

I was not able to imagine where Mudit comes from. How does the Indian middle class live? Where does it start and where does it end? Mudit lives outside the city in a huge house, with a great staircase and so little furniture in it. His parents are loving, make a lot of food for us and just express their happiness for our visit. They asked, who of us is Anna and when I said it was me, they smiled, finally knowing who the friend was, Mudit told them about last year. It is eye opening to see how much they give for their son and how proud they are about his achievements. It is touching me to see how he takes care of them and how he translates, so we all understand each other. Finally, now that I see where he comes from, I understand Mudit. Friends just share things, that's why he always took my food and they help each other in every way possible.

Mudit is our proud guide showing us the many castles of Jaipur and other sights such as temples and museums. On the way in the car, he does not forget to mention that there is the hotel where he wants to get married and the other place is where men go for porn. The reason for why supermarkets are a failure in India, is that they are just too slow and don't get how to use a cash machine. Recently they prohibited the use of plastic bags in Rajastan, so you have to carry your shopping. It's stupid! Not the bags, the working culture in India!

I love to be here and see Jaipur through Mudits eyes. He is a friend to keep and Jaipur is a city to return to.

In India, the sun wears a moustache

Currently Lexi and I are in Udaipur, one of the most beautiful cities we have seen in India so far. We enjoy our stay to the fullest and have even cancelled our trip to Jaisalmer, as we were too exhausted from our previous journey and wanted to relax a bit. So we did some beauty treatments, sight seeing and even made half a day of horseback riding through the nature surrounding Udaipur.

Udaipur’s rulers are said to be decedents from the sun, with the oldest ruling family in the world, ca. 1400 years. Udaipur is also famous for its miniature paintings and there are art schools scattered all around the old city, selling their art. We learned that the horse is the animal representing Udaipur stands for power, the Elephant from Jaipur stands for luck and the camel from Jaisalmer stands for love.

Normally when I travel I seek the hidden places, where locals thrive and I can discover something new. In India, you want to stay in the touristy areas, as everything else is too dangerous and dirty. I would never have thought that I would be so narrow minded, but men starring at me for too long in the streets and the traffic make me nervous.

So Lexi and I enjoy the touristy area of Udaipur with it’s different shops and restaurants. We have our rickshaw driver Jimmy (don’t ask me for his Hindi name) telling us that we bring good luck to the city as it rains regularly since we have arrived here. The rain fills up the lakes and makes the Lake Palace Hotel look like its floating in the water. There, the 80’s James Bond movie “Octopussy” was partly filmed, which everyone around you keeps telling. You can go to any restaurant in the night and watch the movie, which we find kind of funny. We imagine the waiters being able to recite every line of the movie, if they really have to witness it every night.

In Udaipur we are sourrounded by other foreigners. This is nice for a change, as we then are not like animals in the zoo with everyone staring too much at us. But two girls traveling alone is quite a bit to cope with for the men, even in Udaipur. Guys on bikes drive by and make cheesy compliments and the hotel owner is in love with Lexi whom he compares to Angelina Jolie. We managed to buy some clothes that cover us well, with long baggy pants and kurtis on top.

We both had our share of experience with the typical India diseases. After the diarrhea was gone, Lexi could enjoy all the food, while I am stuck with stomach pain every time I eat something not fluid. So on my menu are all kinds of Lassies and soups. At the same time I have to look at Lexi on the other side of the table eating delicious sandwiches, pancakes and Indian masalas.

Tomorrow we will continue to Mount Abu, the typical spot for people on a honey moon, so it’s perfect for Lexi and me :-)

Chelle Djao!

Sometimes you have to tell people to back off. In Copenhagen, just before I left, we had some cultural sessions with the new team and we talked about how Danes always need their personal space. In India, this concept is completely unknown. You have to push people away, tell the beggars "chelle djao!" (Go away!), and make space on your bed in the train for families with their entire breed. That's just how it works. At times it makes me mad, especially without too much of rest. When I am in a good mood, I let people take as many pictures as they want, but after a night in the sleeper class without A\C, I am less keen on it. Today at the Taj Mahal, a young guy wanted a picture with us, we declined saying "We already got 1000 pictures taken today!". His answer: "OK Madam! 1001 for me!" Sorry dude, not gonna happen. So chelle djao everyone! After another night in sleeper we will be in Udaipur tomorrow and stay there a bit longer. After I had a shower, you can invade my personal space again.

Travel route so far: Dehli > Amritsar > Haridwar & Rishikesh > Agra. This country is so beautiful. We really loved the North!!

Discovering Beauty in a Shithole

When I first travelled to Asia last year, I was expecting crowded streets, a lot of noise, poor people sleeping in the street and generally that poverty will be rubbed into your face, while shopping, while going to the museum, or just at a restaurant. Entering Kuala Lumpur, I was surprised by the clean streets and the western style of the city.

Now Delhi has completely fulfilled last year’s expectations. It’s dirty, it’s poor, it’s loud and full of people. My friend Mudit told me: “In India, everything is possible and nothing is possible!” That is the basic principle of the country. As soon as you can afford a fancy car, you can also afford a driver. If you’re a bicycle rickshaw driver, you’ll most probably sleep on it in the night.

So here are some impressions from my stay in Delhi: It’s like the city is planned by Europeans, there are big roads with markings, traffic lights, you can even rent a bike and drive around on it through the city. So on paper, everything looks fine. What the planners forgot over all the planning are the people and their heritage. The markings on the street are worth nothing, when you’re stuck in traffic in a motor rickshaw and have to make your way to the city center. Crossing the street even while the traffic light is green, can kill you, if you don’t look out. And the renting a bike thing must have been imported by a blind man. YOU CANNOT CROSS THE STREET!

I went here to see a complete different reality. I wanted to be shocked, so to say. In that way I am happy. It is like I expected and thus I cry out several times a day: “We’re in India Lexi!”, while Lexi just rolls her eyes and remarks “Really? Thank you for telling me.” We love exploring everything around us. We love the food (no diarrhea yet!), and all the friendly people. We try to laugh at those who want to take pictures of us and we carry a little towel with us to wipe off our sweat (if I don’t accidentally drop it in front of a public toilet!). Lexi can make a sweet human heart with her arms above her head, which looks great on pictures, and it is a personal highlight on our friendship discovery adventure. She can still see every mood written in my face, I can’t seem to hide myself from her, which is a good thing. So things worked out as planned. We landed in the shithole of Delhi, managed to discover some beauty in the chaos and are excited to continue our trip.

Some other highlights: meeting Tabs again – he is still damn funny and smart! There are not only cows on the street, but even more dogs, and also pigs. Poverty is like you see it on the pictures, just that you can also see behind the frame, and you can smell it as well. It’s hard for me to tackle, I have a slight tendency to panic.

Hope to be able to write more about our adventure. Tomorrow we will take a train (!) to Amritsar. I say good bye with a big woop woop! Hope you’re looking forward to our adventures as much as we are.

P.S.: On the picture: Indians love to take pictures with white people, here Lexi and I with a sweet couple we met at the place we stay.

Closer

The other day I walked home to Babsi’s place, where I’m staying until Lexi and I leave for India. The sun was shining, and for Nordic conditions it was quite hot. In the spur of the moment, I took off my flip flops and walked the last 100 m barefoot. It was nice to feel the sun and the city.

Something I did not have before I went home where rituals that made me feel good. These small things you do to feel good. I was so absorbed by all the stress around me that I forgot how to get back on track emotionally. I was unable to disconnect and focus on the good around me. And now I am back to all the old patterns, not only from my side but also from the people around me.

I did not run for an entire week. I was sick and I was drunk and I did not get enough sleep. It’s quite hard to continue new good habits in the old environment. I just seem to lack that strength of will. But there are strings attached that help me stand up. I have Lexi and our travel plans, there is summer, and also the other friends around me. The problem is that they did not have one and a half month to disconnect and gather strength to continue, which makes me feel a bit lazy and also somehow uncomfortable.

Something I do every time I start something new is making resolutions about what kind of person I want to be in this new environment. Somehow I must have gotten off track this year, as my close friends from this experience reflect me as something I would never describe myself as. Is it really possible that I managed not to let anyone look behind my loud and sometimes eccentric surface? Was I so busy proving myself that I forgot to show myself to the right people?

Yesterday I suddenly landed in a totally uncomfortable situation. The only one who truly understood me without words was Lexi, the others were laughing and somehow confused. It’s these small moments, sometimes it’s just seconds, that make me think. What was I doing all this time? Sometimes I feel like regret, then I regret all the things I messed up. On stronger days I just tell myself: it’s ok, as long as you learned from it!

Today, I feel like the grey sky outside: colorless and regretful. I miss my family and would give a lot if I was able to just snap my fingers and go home to Germany for a few hours.

Good Byes suck

It is hard to say good bye. I hate it, it always drags me into a hole, so when I can, I run from it. I just leave, thinking of people whom I love and who impress me.

Today I drove my sister to the train station. She is going for a qualifying exam to Kiel – she wants to study communication design and has worked and sacrificed a lot in order to be able to go there today. It is her life dream to get into that study program. She wants it so much that when she does not get in this time, she will try again in fall. I never had to fight that much for a thing I wanted. The difference is that I always did things I knew I somehow was good at in order not to have to face the critics. And sometimes I really screwed up, because what I thought was not true – even for me there were a lot of challenges hidden. If I lived my life with half the enthusiasm as my sister, I would be daredevil Nr. 1 climbing Mount Everest. Instead I will go on a one month holiday and the thing I am looking most forward to are the food, the coconuts and the trains. I prepared a lot for the trip I am going to have with my best friend. I will not climb Mount Everest, but for me it’s a big adventure.

So the good byes: Today I had to say good bye to my sister. Ever since she gave me a last kiss on the cheek I have been down and not able to move. I was stuck in this freaking sadness and tried to numb it, but even movies have a time limit. Soon, I will have to part with my mum and then I will return to the everlasting struggle in Denmark. I will celebrate my birthday without my family; going from one place to the other, because by the end of June I have to be out of my old room. Today it hurts, even though I am going to be super extra über excited when I hug my friends, who are in this country. It’s just not very easy to keep your family close when you live the life of a foreigner. I still have to learn that, even after 9 years of practice.

Some good things from my time at home:
On sunday we celebrated my not-birthday, as our family cannot meet, when it's actually happening. There was cake, and the Husiten Festspiele (some city festival) in Bernau. Here my sister and I on the gigant chairs.