The Texture of Time

Picture from inspirationfeed.com

Time is a weird construction. It can stretch like a rubber band, drip on you in jelly green drops and make you feel like you are running, but not getting forward. Or it can suddenly speed ahead, make you forget space and swoosh by like cars in the dark. My time rubber band has been stretched and released quite a bit during the past weeks. When I am with the right people it flows with me like golden light, other times I wait for it to pass and when commuting through Berlin it makes me dive into myself. Looking back, it feels like the past weeks just took a finger click. It was exciting, I laughed a lot, I felt a lot, I even learned a lot and suddenly I am in this bubble of loneliness where there is a sensation from head to toe and I am thrown back at myself again. I feel a bit powerless, confused and also kind of sad. But not that sadness of world pain and destruction. It’s more of a melancholic pain of how fast things can change. Life has taken up speed again, and I am not quite sure if I can follow.

First things first: friendship. If you are really honest, how often is it that you meet a like minded person you can just be yourself with, fool around, cry and tell your honest opinion about everything. With how many people that you meet do you really connect on a deeper level? Especially in rushed phases of my life, I met a lot of interesting people but only a few stuck with me for longer. I feel a deep connection to some people that live quite far away. That gave me a lot of strength during more lonely days in Berlin. Knowing that I have those friends, whom I might not have been with for two years and still meet and feel like no time has passed, makes me so entirely grateful.

Take my friend Letzu, for example. This women is like a sister to me, together we become something new and crazy and I enjoy every moment with her. When I met her again in October, we had the craziest dream night out, with secrets and beer and the whole program. I feel so close to her and even though she is one of my best friends in the world, I forgot her birthday. It was November second and I simply forgot. It didn’t even cross my mind. But does that make me a bad friend? I hope not. Because, Letzu, you are like a sister and since I forgot your birthday once, I will never forget it again, as embarrassment will engrave the date on my brain. See, time took me by the hand and hopped with me through the days and there was no yesterday or tomorrow, there was just life running by. I knew I had forgotten, because you told me. I AM SO SUPER DUPER REALLY SUPER SORRY. And I miss you right now, because I want to tell you abound my friend Time and what she did with me. She is not as crazy as you, you bet. She also does not wear as funny hats. And she has no clue how to secretly smoke at the window. But I want to tell you that life is good and that I think of you every day. I miss you!

So yea, maybe this bubble is good and maybe it is OK that I am a bit confronted with myself and the people who really matter. And one lesson I have leant is: don’t let the speed of time dominate your existence. I am responsible for my own happiness, so Time, please go to the corner, I have some catching up to do.

Almanya - or why do I look like a genetic copy of my mom?

I just came home from an extraordinary experience at an open air cinema in a park in “Friedrichshein”. Together with some new friends (awesome!), I had the pleasure to watch Almanya. It is a movie about a Turkish family and their story of how they came to Germany, connected to how they live today and where they come from.

The story telling has many interesting aspects, like the use of language. As the main language is German, they had to illustrate how it was for the Turkish family to arrive in a country where they did not understand a word. So the “German” in the story is a fictive language and as a linguist, this was extremely exciting for me.

Apart from being extremely well told, the story left a main thought in my head: How everything in the past and somehow also in the future is connected. I have parts of my mom and dad in me, I carry their history with me and that of many people in my family. I am a result of the culture that my family conveyed to me. Personally, I feel extremely close to my mother and my sister and I really feel that we have a deeper connection that grows stronger every day. My most influential teachers of life lessons are from my family. My mom taught me that love is blind, my step dad taught me the importance of honesty, my granny taught me the beauty of forgiveness (and backgammon) and somehow everyone took part in who I am today. This close web of lifelines makes us who we are today.

I met people who struggled on their own, people who had left their family and sought after their own truth and happiness. For some time I thought that there were two categories of people: family people and independent people. Today I realized that maybe their web of family needed those people to get disconnected and start something different and new. And who knows, even though they are not actively connected to their family, they live up to some dream buried deep inside the family history.

In the movie, the grandfather was the one who uprooted his family and took them to a foreign land. It did not make them a family with less heritage and culture, it made them more diverse and culturally enriched. My mother, who was the first one in the entire big family to get divorced and who raised my sister and me on her own, also disconnected from certain parts of her heritage and it made us richer as a family. I know that my family respects my mother for her independence and that maybe sometimes some of them wish to be as brave as her.

I have always felt a bit disconnected from time and always very aware of the history I carried with me, or should I say that carried me? I like the thought of being an evolvement of something that existed before I was there. And my family is the proof that this evolvement is necessary, exciting and great. Tonight I am simply grateful for the things I carry from them.

This is where I hide my secrets!

Copyright: author

Last weekend I was in paradise. It is a simple place without any heavy baggage taking away your attention from what is important. When you work hard, it is good to keep a key to your own personal paradise hidden in a drawer, so that when you really need it, you can access it.

My paradise is a very small place. It is a little wooden house and around it grows a wild garden. Sometimes you can make a small campfire, when the right people are there and there is an old Christmas tree asking to be used for something else. You can barbeque, put your hands in the earth and plant flowers, you can hide small presents in shadowy corners. The most important thing is that you can just be yourself and you will be loved the way you are. To me, there are only a few places where I can feel so safe and this is my number one.

The weekend was full of sunshine and relaxing with my mom and sis and what inspired me to this post is the crazy thunderstorm running over Berlin. To some people it might try to destroy the past sunny days, but to me it brings back a needed balance, because we all know, in order for things to grow, they need water.

Where to you hide your key to your own little refuge paradise?

You were riding a rollercoaster with who??

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Last night, I had the most wonderful dream. I was riding a very strange but awesome rollercoaster with my grandfather (!) and at the right moment, time would slow down, so we could take pictures.
It gave me a really good feeling in my stomach, which persisted all morning. So I thought, I would share it.


P.S.: On my seach for rollercoaster pictures, I found this blog with crazy rollercoaster moments.

Nighmares - a Conclusion

First of all: thank you friends. I got such nice advice after my last post that I want to share my conclusion.

Generally, I got this advice: You have to forgive yourself in order to move on.

My reasoning is connected to my post about the number two’s in this world. I see myself as a strong number two and I will explain one characteristic of a number two here:

There are people who see, or read something and then take a conclusion and act upon it. And then there are people who read the same things, also get the conclusion but cannot really act upon them.

When I was younger and saw some girls with über-possessive and –jealous boyfriends I would think to myself “Why would any girl ever fall for such a douche bag?” and I would be extremely sure that this would never happen to me. The day came, where I was falling for this kind of guy and I spend 8 months discovering that this was not the kind of person I wanted to be with (or actually that I did not want to be that kind of person that situation made me).

I am the kind of person who has to be in a situation to learn from it. It is not enough for me to read it in a book and act upon it. Sometimes the universe will show you why things happen as they do.

I always wanted to be a strong and independent woman who is sure of what is good and bad for her, but life would not be life, if you would not have to go through trials. There are circumstances that weaken a person and there are ways to escape these states of personality, ways to grow out of them. One way to grow as a person is to make mistakes. I am very grateful for many mistakes that I made and you are right, I was just not capable to forgive myself for this one. I would not forgive myself for being quite the opposite of the woman I wanted to be.

All I can say is that I am on a way to become the woman I want to be and this “mistake” makes me understand why some women chose the men that they do. 

One advice I got out from this two year (!) recovery period is that you have to be self-sufficient before you throw yourself into the next relationship. I am getting there.

And, to end this topic, I will show you my favorite break-up recovery cartoon. 

The Villain in my Dreams

Last night, I had a nightmare. I did not have any drapes on my window and lived first floor. I was running around naked in the apartment, not realizing that everyone on the street could see me. Just underlining again: It was a dream! So, the doorbell rings, and my evil ex-boyfriend is in the door jelling at me that everyone on the street can see me naked. He makes me feel really bad about it and then continues to tell me he still loves me and not his new girl friend and that he cannot understand why I would not be with him.

Every time I talk about him, I call him the evil boyfriend and close friends will understand whom I am talking about.

Actually he is not a bad person as such. I would even say that we have a lot in common and even have that soul mate connection. Just that his past and some of his habits where not good for us as a couple, because it affected him a lot as a person. So to me, all his goodness was in his core, but there was a bad wrapping around it. I thought, I could change that and remove the wrapping. But we are not talking about toilet seat debates here; we are talking tough stuff like accusations and lack of faith in me. We are talking constant jealousy and possessiveness.

All this made me smaller and smaller. I started doubting myself and lost a lot of self-esteem I had built up in the past years. The effect was the opposite of what I had intended: I started acting like he did and not the other way around. I did not know how to escape the situation, so I cheated on him which made it all even worse. In the end, I quit. I did not want to stay under his spell and returned to myself.

He tried to cut me out of his life, deleted me on various social networks and would not contact me at all. To him, I am the bad person. Now he has moved on, has moved in with his new girl friend, while I still have nightmares with him acting as the villain.

He is the one person in my past, which I cannot forgive and have good feelings about, because he gave me the hardest time of my life. And for me he is evil, because I am still not over it. I mean, it still haunts me in my dreams and he has moved on. So I am asking, what is wrong with me?

Who is that hot chick over there? My sister!

Lekha and Henni in front of the Berlin TV tower last year

I don’t know if you know, but I have a little sister. Today is her birthday and it hit me that she actually is a grown up woman. Somehow she emerged from that girlish cuteness – where everybody (and when I say everybody I mean eeeeeeeeverybody!) went like “ohhh…!” when they first saw her – to that talented, independent woman.

I have to confess that it took me quite a while to accept my sister’s development. I always wanted to care for her and protect her from the evils in the world, which resulted in her revolting more against me than against my mom when she was in her teenage years.

It seems like she does not know how much I secretly look up to her and how much she impresses me everyday. Some examples:

-       As a kid, she could play with one simple thing like a rubber band for hours. I would throw it at her once and be bored already and run off to another exciting thing and when I would return to her, she would still be playing with this thing. This amazes me still today.

-       She can love people despite their faults and even if you are mean to her, she will still love you, because she manages to see the good in people.

-       She is a fighter. She went for a career that everyone advised her not to go for, because it is too competitive, but in the process she had the chance to make mistakes and go her very own way for the first time. I admire her for that courage.

-       She cut her hair off. She has always been admired for her beauty and bubbly spirit. People wanted to adopt her, because she was so cute. She still looked awesome when she cut her hair three centimeters short, but I have to say it gave her some character.

I could go on forever with this list, but I think you get the point. One of the best things in the beginning of every year is always to take my Christmas money and spent it on birthday presents for her. It does not matter if she is grown up or not, I will always enjoy spoiling her.

I really hope that you have a person in your life you love as much as I love my sister. So, happy birthday Hendrikje, ich hab dich lieb!

Only cats have nine lifes?

After entering school at the age of seven, I had two cycles of development and growth which where quite different from each other, both lasted nine years.

Until I was 16, I spent my life in Germany with my family and with regular school and hobbies. I faced challenges you have to face as a child of a single mom and as the stranger to a new city or school.

After I turned 16, I moved to Denmark, to finish my education and grow up. I truly became an independend individual and have learned to tackle different challenges as they come.

Now I am 25, have moved back to Germany and am both terrified and looking forward to the next nine years. This is the time where I will establish myself not only in terms of education, but mostly in terms of experience.

I have started to conquer monstrous Berlin, which tried to let me down several times but which I forced to work out for me, because Berlin was my only option for Germany. I am beginning to see some paths that I am happy to take and there is finally a goal to invest time in. My current achievements and achievements to come look like this:

Done:

-       Find a traineeship

-       Find an apartment

-       Find a roommate

-       Find new and exciting things you ONLY to do in Berlin

To do:

-       Figure out my next steps after the traineeship

-       Order Internet access for my apartment (finally I can use Skype again!!)

-       Finish beautifying the apartment

-       Find a choir to join

-       Find a gym or yoga class

I am quite happy that my to do list is longer than my done list. I am tired from the past months of discovery and fighting, but I know it’s worth it. What about you? Have you encountered a shift in your life in the recent past and how did you tackle it? 

Picture: http://www.onedigitallife.com/images/cat-jump.jpg

Where is the love?

This time of the year, a lot of people are talking about love and compassion. I will take this as a reason to quickly evaluate my love life. Super quick: basically non-existent.

A little bit more in detail: I have had boyfriends, some of them I deserved, some of them not. Today I am trying to keep in mind that I make my own choices and also that there is responsibility connected to it, so if I am dating a douchebag, it is my own fault. It practically reflects back on me, which enlarges my own douchebagness.

The chain goes like this: In high school I dated a couple of guys who were nice and sometimes a bit stupid, but still mostly nice.

The ultimate first big love came around when I was 21. I wanted to marry, have plenty of kinds, move to Africa with him and imagined that together we would save the world. After clinging too hard on him, he left me, which made me lose a lot of my love-self-confidence.

As a result, I wanted someone who would stick around and who would care about me one hundred percent. What I got was the most jealous and emotionally blackmailing dude on the planet. We moved in together after four months, I left three months later and there was no love-self-confidence back.

Then came the wonderful period of freedom. I dated a couple of guys, broke some hearts and had FUN! I underlined to everyone that I was emotionally stabbed and was unfit for a relationship.

In the end I still got into a relationship with a guy who was too awesome to not to be with. Unfortunately the knife was still stuck in my chest and I screwed it up.

Now I fled the country, live in a city with no meaningful male acquaintances and continue building up the courage to find Mr. Right.

Picture: Flickr

Goodwill or Stupidity?

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin.

I am a pretty normal Western girl. I got a lot of education, I like to do read, party, jump, and be random with friends… I think you get the picture. My parents have the tendency to be a bit weird and hippy like. This way I had to renovate rooms, chop wood, wear weird cloths and hang out at punk concerts with my mom. So I have seen things.

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin.

This heritage, maybe also my provincial hometown, might explain why I fall for beggars of most kind. Every time I am in a bigger city, I give my change to strangers and in Berlin many of them are smelly and alcoholic.

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin.

Asia taught me a lesson about this. Especially in India I learnt that begging is a business. People make a living of it and they use your “pity” for their own advantage. In Asia my skin color showed people that I am supposedly rich. I learnt very fast that I did not want to give much to this business. I had this revelation of how you yourself are responsible for your own happiness and that this money does not do any good.

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin.

I rather would share my education and enable people to grow and get out of poverty. The beggars in Berlin live on the streets. They often do alcohol or drugs. Every year some of them die in the cold. So I am what is the best thing I could do? Give them my small change, which they could use on more alcohol? Buy their newspapers? Spend a day in a so-called soup kitchen?

It is minus 10 °C in Berlin. What’s your opinion or advice?

Picture Getty Images #81226846

You are the SECOND best! Woohoo!?

Today is the second of December. I will use this opportunity to make a stand for the number two.

I do not know if you are, but I am the classical number two. I am mostly quite ok at what I do, I genereally get what I want if I work hard for it, but there will always be a number one somewhere around me. If it really comes to it, I am number two, a good number two, but not the first.

The good thing about it is the stress relief: Everybody will expect much more from number one than from me. I am there to help, when number one cannot handle all the pressure alone, but it is number one who will get the honor. But yea, the pressure is more on number one than on me.

On the other side: the saying goes, the second is also the first loser. True story. At the same time people will respect me for my effort and my enthusiasm and being number two is definitely better than being number 15 all of your life.

It is the same with the second of December. For those who celebrate Christmas and have Christmas calendars, the time before December is always full of excitement. The night before the first, kids and many grown ups get super excited, because they get to open the first door of their Christmas calendar. In the morning of the first of December, the quite cheap chocolate from the Christmas calendar melts on your tongue like a Belgium truffle. On the second December the excitement is still quite high, but on the 15th, it’s just the cheap chocolate. You eat it and that’s it.

So this is to all the number two’s: You are awesome! Be good at what you do and use your elbows if necessary – you deserve to be noticed!

I wish you many positive snow flakes and hot chocolate and a good book on this beautiful second of December!

Picture: Getty Images #103912286

Reason 1: My Mom

I will put it right out there for you to judge: I spent the weekend with my mom – and it was awesome. So now I am going to put down some reasons for why.

She let me sleep till late on Saturday, because I was working on a pitch all week. We also cleaned the house, so we could enjoy doing nothing. Also we went shopping in a construction market. We love to do that, cause we are always building something or planning to do so, so we need to prepare. My mom bought a stove on ebay the other day, and we need to put it in the kitchen. Also we went shopping for food. It feels awesome to buy these things, have all the stuff you like and still be happy about how cheap the shopping was. So as you might know, we decided to buy this incredible ice cream, which tastes like Ben and Jerry’s, it’s just cheaper and not so funky with the design. This meant we could not go to the cinema, which was the plan, but we chose the 3 buckets of ice cream over the movie. I mean it’s not often we stumble over that ice cream.

Yesterday she joined me for looking at some apartments in the city (aka. Berlin) and we got a bike at the Mauerpark. We also managed to pile up some wood and do some stuff in the garden. It is one of the best satisfactions I can get, when I help my mom. It means she does not have to do it and generally it’s work where you can see immediate results, like a pile of wood. If you have not tried this, do so. It really gives satisfaction.

So this morning I was late for my train. I was already a step out of the house, when it started to rain. I went back in and asked my mom to drive me. She was still in her pajamas, so she put on a skirt and a pullover over her pajamas. You could see it sticking out at all ends and she thought it was hilariously funny. She was laughing at half past seven in the morning and she made me laugh, too. This is the reason for why I wanted to go home: to have moments like that with my family.

Also, my mom likes to talk for animals. Here she would say: "Come on, give me food! Can't you see how hard I am working for this?"

Letzurama!

The Anna and the Letzu are laughing while wearing hats.

So Letzu. How is this birthday thing going? Is it going to elevate every year and will be just more and more creative the more years pass by, the more our life barrel gets filled up? So this day was supposed to be a special day, even for me. I was supposed to be traveling to Zurich and not log on to Facebook and to forget your birthday. But because I am such a widely requested intern, our pitch for this huge condom brand cannot be done without me, so I have to stay in Berlin and prepare for a presentation. I log on to Facebook. I see that today is your birthday. And I think – “Crap! I haven’t pepared anything!” I will have to come up with something awesome in the course of the day.
The thing is I also had to come up with something awesome for the pitch. In this instant doubled awesomeness negated each other and only left space for one thing: the condom. Oh man. Oh MAN! Oh man. This sucks. And now I am almost crying while watching a Beyonce video on YouTube.
Ok, this is my virtual present for you. It’s the video that made me cry. So every time she says Tina (Turner), you have to imagine her saying Letzu.



I wish for you to get an awesome job in Copenhagen, to find an even more awesome room, but more importantly to flourish, develop, enjoy, create, and experience your new year in this world. You make it more beautiful and more worthwhile to be around, so I want to thank you for creating such a meaningful part of the world. I consider it one of the best things happening in the past years to have met you. Keep on being you, so intensely! Even though you don’t get my awesomeness today, you get all my love.

Brats and Prejudice

I am a person with a lot of prejudices – especially when it comes to people I see on the street. I put them into boxes, judge them and imagine how their house looks.
So there is a category of German girls I call brats.It is really hard to translate, in Danish I would call them poptoes, in German I would call them Bratze. Their hair is mostly two colored and teased, their style goes three years back and they talk about boys, parties and their Facebook profile. They are somewhat ordinary, in a bad way.
Sometimes it’s fun to listen to their chats and think on the inside, I wish I was that stupid, then my life would be much more comfortable.

There is a band called Bratze. Thank you Google.

The other day one of these brats said to her friend: „I told my boyfriend that before we get married, I want us to write a letter to each other which tells how much we love each other and why. And if we ever have a huge fight, we will open them and remind each other of the reasons for our love.“ I think that’s sweet.

Everyone will at some point do something unexpected. I thank the world for that.

Getting up with the Sun

These days I get up together with the sun. I climb out of bed into what seems to be deep night, but when I leave the shower, there are already some strays of light. By leaving the house, the world wakes up, the sun still hides behind the trees. On the train I see the fields, covered with fog and pink light waking up the birds and cows standing on dewy meadows. It’s this time of the year where you start freezing, take a hat and some gloves with you, when you leave the house. The higher it rises, the sun will warm up my homeland and the past two days, we had a clear blue sky during the day. It’s so nice to be home.

Where do you hide your dirt?

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On our last train ride in India, Lexi and I jumped screaming on the seats, because we saw mice runnung around the compartment. We were so nervous that everytime something moved on the floor, we shrieked. So this morning I was standing in Berlin, waiting for the underground to arrive when suddenly I saw a mouse on the tracks. I didn’t scream, it was far away.

Everytime you get too confortable in this clean and nicely organized world, something will show you that there are some dirty corners somewhere. To me, the Indians where more sincere with their dirt, they laughed at us, when we were jumping all hysterically. Had I asked the guy standing next to me this morning if he could also see the mouse, he would have said „Uhm, no.“ and turn his head away, cause no one wants to speak with the crazy lady.

Bad Luck

There is a band called Bad Luck. I will try and listen today.

Yesterday I lived my new addiction on the train: Soduko. It catches me so much, that I forget time and space and just concentrate on the numbers. The result being, that I missed my stop, had to return to the orginal station and try and reach the next train. I failed. This resulted in me missing my hometrain by two minutes. The home train is a regional shuttle which only leaves every hour. I was freaking tired and angry, every minute is holy to me after work and spending it at a train station is really not what I had planned. So I did some slow motion food shopping, got a Döner Kebab for dinner and passed the rest of the time with Soduko. And thus I reached my village, got off the train only to notice that someone had stolen my bycicle. I go nuts! What have I done to be punished like this? It’s totally not fair. I walked home, called my mom and complained, she just said „It’s all gonna be alright“ – yea right. The walk home did me good, I liked the evening air and had the chance to reflect a bit. I hadn’t reflected for a while and it really made me see some things, I did not notice so far. So with all the bad luck and all the misery, I somehow managed to get something good out of it. I really wanted to be pissed off, now I am just tired, which is OK.

My safety moment

source: getty images

This morning I left the house at 7:15 in order to catch the city train at 7:30. I am a trainee in Berlin now. My mom popped her head out of the small window above her bed in order to wave me goodbye and wish me a good day. I rang the bell on my bike and waved back at her.
In my family we like this ritual. It makes our world and life seem easy and good. A month ago it was me looking out of the window, hiding under my blanket again after my mom had disappeared behind the turn. I would catch another hour of sleep and then get to my calm and easy daily activities.
I can’t decide which part I like better.

And it goes up again!

So there are days where I get all dramatic and cry out: “Oh evil world, I despise you and your trials!“ (see below) and then there are the other days, where I am working hard to get settled and make a good living, where I get excited about mails from friends, the beautiful agenda I made myself, or the trips to Berlin.

So yesterday I had such a trip. I was all excited, as I had my first job interview with a real company. It was really interesting to see how my preparations the day before helped and how I somehow did not need it at all. So even though I was quite nervous and didn’t do the awesomest job at selling myself, the boss liked me and offered me a 6 month traineeship at his company. The thing with me is that I have studied languages, but that I have developed a passion for branding and PR through the activities next to my studies. So now I want to work with that and not too much with my education background. I like that I dare to go that way and not the safe path and I like the whole development and self discovery part of it. And the company offers me a really interesting project to try out and expand my knowledge.

So of course, there is a dark side: these 6 months will be poorly paid and below what I need to survive in Berlin. It’s like that in Germany. Interns should be happy if they get paid at all. So the problem is: Should I continue to live with my mum and then do a job I would really like to try out, or should I find something else, maybe less attractive and earn more money?

What is great about these problems is that they trigger decisions and they are also a sign that things are moving. I am out of the blind way, I think I have never been stuck in it, but I was too impatient to arrive. It’s like traveling with an Indian train – eventually you will arrive - that is guaranteed, the rest is up to the gods.

The Hole

It’s half past three in the afternoon, I just made myself a cup of tea and a plate with fruit and cookies. Sounds nice? It’s not! I am caught in this loneliness, producing self made agendas, spending my weekends with my mother and most of all feeling sorry for myself.

It’s now been 23 days back home and I am turning desperate. I feel like stuck in a time hole, while everybody, really EVERYBODY, seems to move on. There are days, where I cannot start hyper motivated at 9:00 am to apply for jobs, taking care of all the small things of my small life and then doing something pretty at 14:00 – waiting for my mom to come home, so I have someone to talk to.  I’ve watched all my movies, sometimes twice, sometime trice.

So my day today started with checking my mail – no news. I checked FB, ok I got news, but they fed me for half an hour. I still got stuck for too long, looking at wedding pictures of people I barely know. And I found out that even the evil ex boyfriend has moved on. He, really an evil super baddy, has a girlfriend. What!?

This is the hole. The hole has greasy hair and no shampoo. The hole starts to smell under its armpits. The hole has food from yesterday for lunch. The hole does not have a nail file. The hole has slow internet, no TV, and only a limited amount of radio stations.

So I went to take a shower, made some tea and served myself some fruit and cookies. Breathe in, breathe out. 

Picture: Solid-Caine-Stock "Hole" nohaycomolodeuno.blogspot.com/2009/02/hole.html