Everyone has their own little mean "me"

When life is to good to be true, I am flying on a cloud through the days and everything is as delicious as chocolate chip ice cream. There is nobody who could harm me on days like that; it’s the time where I collect self-esteem like a magnet. I just had one of those periods. Sun was shining, people where smiling and I was good at the things I did: work, friends, family, stuff.

I am addicted to the feel good drug and as soon as things do not go well, my mind screams – give me the drug, I cannot live without it! So when I fly extremely high, like in chocolate chip clouds, I can be sure that there will be something making sure I get dragged down again.

Most of the times the thing is me. I think, everyone knows their own little mean “me”. Nature made sure that we do not fly too high, so it invented a “me” for everyone. My “me” really dragged me down and it gave me a quite tough time. It taught me not to get too arrogant on that cloud, because it will make sure, that if I don’t cherish the cloud, it will show me it’s ugly face. There is a “me” that you show everyone, and then there is a “me” that shows up when you lose control, when you drink too much, for example. For some people, the drunk “me” is a good change. They get more outgoing and confident. I just get too much. And I hate when I am too much. “Me” knows that for example, so it did exactly that to remind me of how important it is to be humble. So I hit the bottom hard, I even hit my knee. The awesome thing is: It did not take too long to get back to normal. I ripped of the bandage and go by bike through sunny Berlin, but all in a very humble way.

P.S. The post was written while listening to"The Water" over and over again. I am addicted not only to the feel good drug, but also to this song!

This is where I hide my secrets!

Copyright: author

Last weekend I was in paradise. It is a simple place without any heavy baggage taking away your attention from what is important. When you work hard, it is good to keep a key to your own personal paradise hidden in a drawer, so that when you really need it, you can access it.

My paradise is a very small place. It is a little wooden house and around it grows a wild garden. Sometimes you can make a small campfire, when the right people are there and there is an old Christmas tree asking to be used for something else. You can barbeque, put your hands in the earth and plant flowers, you can hide small presents in shadowy corners. The most important thing is that you can just be yourself and you will be loved the way you are. To me, there are only a few places where I can feel so safe and this is my number one.

The weekend was full of sunshine and relaxing with my mom and sis and what inspired me to this post is the crazy thunderstorm running over Berlin. To some people it might try to destroy the past sunny days, but to me it brings back a needed balance, because we all know, in order for things to grow, they need water.

Where to you hide your key to your own little refuge paradise?

Ice cream and cake and cake - OR WHAT!?

Today is a “big jumps” – day. I am all buzzy, smiling and just happy to be where I am. I truly enjoy this feeling after long weeks of feeling like my feet were dragged to the ground like clumsy magnets. It is incredible how the interaction with people you care about gives you energy even though you spend time and effort on make things with them happen. I discovered how a balance between social interaction and alone-time is what also keeps me going. I am not a person who can jump from date to date, party to party and dinner to dinner, without taking a break and spending some time with myself. There are times when things just fit together, circumstances are making sense and the whole karma philosophy of “you get what you give” is spot on.

I wanted to make a post of my final sprint of fasting. Last week I imagined me counting the seconds to finally being able to eat chocolate, pancakes and some meat again. Instead I would like to take a moment and cherish the things that I discovered the past weeks.

You can bake a vegan cake without sugar. It will not be super sweet, but with ingredients like vinegar and stevia, it can be a success. The longer you live without sugar, the less you actually need sweet things. My cakes are not as sweet as normal ones, but they are totally enough for me.

Rushing is stupid. Normally when I bike, I rush super much and get frustrated when I have to stop at a red light. Now I take the red light period as a mini-break and use the time to notice the world around me.

Some habits are worth keeping: I always eat at the office, cook here or take something prepared from home, while my colleagues eat out. I stuck with it and now we are already three girls eating here every day and many colleagues join us regularly.

There is many things you can eat as a snack: fruit, nuts, fruit puree, apple butter and also non-sweet things, like the great organic and vegan spreads they offer in German health food stores.

Life does not end without butter. I thought that for a long time, but IT’S NOT TRUE!

There are many more things I learned. I actually played the guitar and I also took up some conflicts I would have avoided before. The bottom line is that I do not really go crazy over the fact that I soon will be able to go nuts on food and drinks again. It is actually ok to live like I do now. I will take some new, better eating habits with me and I will definitely do a fasting period again. And off course, I am looking forward to once in a while being able to satisfy my urge for some pancakes or ice cream – it ‘s soon summer for heavens sake!

M.A.G.G.I.E. - Make adjustments, go get it energized!

from confidentialityspice

The past weeks of fasting have been a constant emotional roller coaster. It seems like the period was under the headline M.A.G.G.I.E.: Make Adjustments Go Get It Energized! This quote from one of my favorite TV shows “How I met your mother”, describes my journey best.

Adjustments:

I still make the mistake of thinking that the decisions I take are a linear thing, with only one possible outcome. Well, life does not work in linear ways; the turns, hills and stones on the way are what make life interesting and fun.

So I thought: I will work 3 days a week starting April. I will have time to pursue some personal interests and have time to invest in my personal development.

The past two weeks, life has put some stones in the way of that. I had to realize that my workplace needs me more that just 3 days a week, and that I need more than 3 days a week to do a good job there. I am finally part of quite interesting projects, my colleagues know my strengths and start requesting my skills in English and organization, for example. So, in order for me to do a good job, I simply need more time. Thus, I also set a good ground for one my most pressuring goals: beginning my Masters and thus building my academic dream career, starting October. As a student, I will have much less income. So it is important to me to clear my depts, before I become a student again, which is now possible with the extra money.

Energy:

Being extremely busy the past weeks, it was hard to keep my fasting rules. My mom, my sister, and I are all fasting and when we did not eat cake at a big family party, my aunt killed us with her eyes, which looked like she would wish to take each of us and throw our faces into the cake buffet. I tried to calm her down with the words “…but it looks really delicious!” – I don’t really think it worked. The lack of sugar really got on my mood at times, especially when I was confronted with quite some pressure and stress. I would like to say that I eat more fruits and vegetables, but it is all a bit “complicated”.

The good things about the fasting are the new rituals and triggers I was able to discover. After my fasting period is over, I will consume much more soya products. Also, I found some activities that keep me grounded. It made me value the food, I generally consume: I never looked more forward to eat some ice cream or just a boiled egg. Just two weeks and I’ll be getting food-orgasms over these things. One thing that boosts my mood other than sugar is sports. It’s been a week now, where I traveled Berlin by bike and it is exciting how much positive results this generates. It is definitely a good sugar substitute and a much needed adventure at times.

So, “Make adjustments, go get it energized” was a depressing, fun, exciting and in the end fulfilling journey. I hope you are on track with your adjustments and energy.

Next week I will try to convey some “Yay, the fasting countdown has started!”-excitement!

Watch the clip about M.A.G.G.I.E. here.




Picture Source: http://i835.photobucket.com/albums/zz273/kerryveritas724/himympicspam/510006.jpg

The art of slow motion

http://www.nataliedee.com/archives/2008/Mar/

Today I am going to connect my post to one of my fasting goals: walking slower.

I noticed that the posts I write out of true inspiration, and not just “the plight to update people”, are the ones that touch you the most. Inspiration is a slippery thing, tough. If you do not grab it when it’s there, you might lose it and any attempt to reach that moment won’t be as good as the initial idea. That is why I am sitting on my bed, writing the post in my diary. I now post is “past inspiration” – but from the moment of inspiration, if you know what I mean.

As you might know, I was sick last week and extremely lonely. This week feels like I have to catch up what I missed. It’s like a special offer “buy one – get two”.

I had two big projects at work and in order to catch up, I stayed longer in the office every night. Yesterday was also my last day of internship, so cooked some lunch for my colleagues. AND yesterday was an important presentation that had to be prepared.

I only went home for sleeping and taking a shower. I was constantly “on” and in a hurry.

Cooking for 15 people needs quite some inspiration. In my lunch break on Wednesday I rushed to the super market, after working hours I used the company kitchen to prepare the food. In-between, I worked on the concept I had to present the next day. I used a lot of concepts from my experience as a trainer in AIESEC and any AIESEC’er would love what I had designed for my colleagues.

Yesterday, I got up an hour early to have enough time to prepare the lunch. Then it happened: my colleagues started helping and I had the chance to bond with them. Finally eating the lunch was a great social event for all colleagues.

After that I had the final sprint for the presentation. My concept was part of an implementation strategy. To my big surprise the project team accepted my concept and we had a long, but fruitful meeting. It really felt like the work we all had done beforehand was finally connected. At 8 p.m. I left the office with a feeling of grateful exhaustion. My friend and role model Dey Dos calls it “feeling empty” – because you have given everything to your environment. It is a positive feeling, because you know you leave something behind.

In the past week I achieved many things I had aimed for when I came to Berlin. I made some new friends and I actually could use my AIESEC experience in a corporate context.

On my way home, I could calm down. The way home from the tram, I walked very slowly and enjoyed every step. I could seize the moment and rushing was not really necessary. It helped me to re-connect with my inner self, because the last few days I just had to function. It is funny how small things like that bring you back to who you really are.

So the next time I’m in a rush, I won’t get annoyed with slow people, because it might be that they re-connect with their true self.

I have a confession to make:

I sleep too much. Thus I am awake at 23:38 and my mind won’t rest. Be assured that the minute it touches my pillow it will float away to the land of dreams. But still, I have been planning on writing an update since Sunday when a sudden fever and the worst visit of influenza has haunted my body and squeezed my brain so much that I was not really able to think or walk without the feeling of my head being magnetically drawn to the ground. After a bizarre visit to a doctor, I was told to stay in bed the rest of the week and gurgle salt water.

It has been one of the loneliest weeks during my time back in Germany and I really miss my friends who are scattered around the world. I have been true to my strict fasting rules: no sugar, vegan food, I even practiced the guitar and I was forced to walk slow with my influenzarized head and everything. But I missed my friends. When I start things, I always make these really strict rules and crazy goals. I will never be happy with what I achieve because I will always have some impossible goal on my list. Instead of saying “I won’t use Facebook (yea, this is where I am getting to) at work”, I said, “I won’t use Facebook at all during the next 40 days”. Bravo, Anna! So, on Sunday, I logged on and checked what people were up to, without commenting or writing updates, whatsoever. And since then I spent 5 minutes each day just watching what people were up to. And I am really sorry, Anna, but I have to let you down on this goal. So I am rephrasing: no Facebook during work or as a thing to fight boredom. I need to know what the people that I love and never see are up to. I need to write them a text when I think of them and I just want to see how they are once in a while. And no, Anna and critic, emails are not the same.

So after 15 days of fasting, I have already let go of one goal. The food and mind thing works out pretty well, though. My skin looks great, I think about what to eat and find great recipes to cook. I am finding my path back to a healthy life. I just should not forget one very important goal: keep in touch with my friends and spend time with them. So, some of you will get a mail soon. Let’s get on skype and update each other on the latest gossip.

I am in heaven: Men are cooking for me and I can walk like a model! OR Fasting experience 1

http://need-to-know.de/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/vegan1.jpg

It has now been one week of fasting. I have changed my food habits to vegan without sugar, avoided Facebook and tried to walk slower.

First thing: it is hard to start a big project while traveling. I was in Denmark delivering a conference, when my fasting time started. My friends were really interested and supportive. The night before I started I had some Ben and Jerry’s with Lexi; Peter and JohnJohn cooked vegan for us in Odense; and the conference crew packed special sandwiches with my name on. Still, I was hungry, as I could not just find some vegan sweets, because most of the time I eat sugar when I am hungry. I am just not used to proper, regular meals.

Second thing: It feels good to be a bit more aware of what I am consuming. In the supermarket, I look at the ingredients and take some time before I buy stuff. I also try to plan what I am going to eat, so I have a list when I do shopping. This way, I am not just buying things because I am hungry, but because I have a purpose with the goods.

Third thing: It is really hard to keep off Facebook. I needed some pictures for the conference and they were all on there. I had to log in to find those; I saw the red speech bubbles telling me how many notifications, messages, and friend requests I had received. I did not check any of those, I went directly to the pictures I needed and logged off again. I just gave myself a little pat on the back for that one :-)

I am really proud that I actually did everything on my list, except playing guitar, which I will do this week.

Do you know the phenomenon of when you disvover something new, you see it everywhere? This is how I have it with vegan life style right now, and here is one of my discoveries: vegan fashion! It is an online shop called Muso Koroni.

http://www.vego-design.de/AdvancedSlider/slider/muso_koroni.jpg

I noticed that I have some time during my nights without any plans (i.e. where I don’t meet friends or go to the cinema, etc). So I would really appreciate if you would leave a comment telling me some exciting books to read (content not connected to food) or if you have a recipe for me to try out. Thank you so much for your support!